You are an eternal being of light and love. You are a child of God and abundance is your inheritance. You are at a deep level one with the whole universe and therefore everything you need already exists within you. Everything!
~ Cissi Williams
Monthly Archives: November 2013
Most women secretly believe that they are “not enough”. The very opposite is true. You are way…WAY more than enough. You have more than enough to do, be, create and have everything you desire! In order to have EVERYTHING you desire, you must shift your beliefs and begin to see yourself in a new and strong way. It's about creating a powerful mindset shift…the first step is connecting with your Inner Goddess.
If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I am working my way through my chakras (starting #5 this week!) and currently Christine Arylo’s Madly in Love with Me. Last week, we discussed the self-love tree. Wanting to go easy on myself, I decided to tackle the self-care branch first.
I was led to that branch by Divine and I figured it would be the easiest branch for me to take on. In my mind, I was already doing a good job at self-care. Weekly massage? Check. Reading for pleasure every day? Check. What more do you need, right? Wrong.
Christine Arylo’s definition of self-care went way beyond what I had been doing or what I thought of as self-care.
“[Self-care is] Choosing to make sure that you get what you need on all levels – physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally – every day.” – Christine Arylo
Uhh.. well, dang. I guess getting a massage every week isn’t cutting it. So I began looking at what I am choosing to do every day for myself. I found my list woefully lacking. Make sure I eat several well-balanced meals throughout my day? Check – as long as something else doesn’t get in the way like a meeting or that I’m running behind or that I forget to eat. So maybe not a check.
Listening to my body when it’s hurting and wants to move because I’ve been sitting at my desk working all day? Um…. Check, after I finish whatever it is that I think is more important than listening to my body.
Making time to pray and meditate every day? Check, but only as I am trying to fall asleep or if I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep.
Talking to friends about my heart-wrenching divorce and the fact that I’m frustrated that I’m still on crutches after 3 months? Um… I don’t want to bother them with my problems. They don’t want to hear that and I don’t want to bring them down. Maybe I should see a therapist – if I pay someone to listen to me it’s okay. Or paint. That always helps. [As my friend Colleen would say, “Yeah, how’s that working out for you?” Me: Um, it’s not…]
Allowing myself time to heal and time for self-care? Who has time for that? I have deadlines to meet, bills to pay, work to be done.
Then I remembered my friend Lisa Marie Rosati’s oxygen mask analogy. Christine Arylo puts it a different way:
“The more you take care of yourself, the more you can take care of the people and things you love.”
Why? Because you’ll have enough oxygen to do so. You won’t be dead or passed out on the floor because you gave until you couldn’t give anymore.
You’d think with my broken heel, crutches, and limited mobility, this Fall would be all about learning to receive and take care of myself. Sadly, no. I have spent more time trying to prove I don’t need anyone’s help than learning to receive, allow, and let go – even though those were my goals.
Aahh, Universe. You and your cosmic 2 x 4s. Always pointing out to me that I am much better at dishing out advice than taking it.
I was just talking about this in an interview yesterday. Promoting the virtues of filling up your own cup and giving from the overflow, rather than giving everything you have to give away, leaving you broken and destitute. Such good advice. Too bad I fight myself every time I try to take it!
So this week, I am focusing on self-care.
What does self-care mean to me?
- Not booking more than 1 meeting a day while I am on sabbatical and trying to heal my heart, mind, and body.
- Spending my early mornings journaling and meditating rather than checking email at 5:30 in the morning while still lying in bed.
- Eating regularly. I’m shooting for 5 well-balanced meals a day.
- Reaching out to my friends when I need to talk instead of bottling it up inside.
- Making time to do the things I love each day and not letting my endless to do list get in the way.
- Unplugging at least one hour before bed, ideally at 6 or 7 pm.
- Listening to my body. When it’s hurting, stop doing what’s making it hurt and figure out what it needs to feel better.
- Taking at least one complete day off every week. As it’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., I am toying with taking 4 whole days off. That might just send me into freak out zone; maybe I’ll shoot for 2 instead.
What about you? What does self-care mean to you and how do you make time for you every day? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.
Until next time, make some time for you. No one else will.
I had another rude awakening last week. My entire life I have been a people pleaser, but I never fully understood why. I thought perhaps I learned it from my mother, who is also a people-pleaser. I thought maybe it was a product of my gender – female as nourisher, nurturer, protector. But then I realized I wasn’t those being things to myself. And then it hit me.
I’m a people pleaser because deep down I think I am inherently flawed, broken, need fixing. And I do things for others rather than myself because I so want their love and approval. This led to another realization. I have high self-esteem, but that is not the same as self-regard, self-love, self-respect, or self-acceptance.
But here’s the thing: if I can’t give those things to myself, how can I expect or accept them from others? I can’t. Not truly. Because somewhere inside me is a little girl that thinks she’s not worth it in and of herself. That she has to do more, give more, be more, to get the love and appreciation she so desires.
Hogwash! She – I, you – doesn’t need to do anything to be worthy of love and respect. But she – and I – need to learn to love ourselves first.
If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I am painting my way through the chakras. Yet, it’s been almost a month since I painted the third chakra mudra. I finally started the fourth chakra – the heart chakra – this past weekend. I hadn’t been motivated to begin it sooner. I think I know why. I realized I couldn’t fully heal my heart chakra until I began to heal my relationship with myself.
So how does one heal their heart chakra? With a healthy dose of self-love. I went back to Christine Arylo’s book Madly in Love With Me and started working through it again. The first time I read the book a few years back, I skimmed it. I thought, “That doesn’t apply to me.” I was in a river of denial. But no longer.
Now I want to swim in a sea of self-love, learn to love every part of me – warts and all! So I am approaching the self-love tree with trepidation, appreciation, and a little dose of humility, knowing that once I dive in, I will never be the same. But I’m okay with that.
So how do you heal your heart chakra? I’m doing it by healing my relationship with myself and learning to love myself again. After I work through that, I’ll work on my people-pleasing tendencies and relationships with others. Somehow I suspect that I will have less of a drive to please others once I learn to take care of, give to, and love me first.
I’d love it if you’d join me on this self-love journey. I plan to explore one branch of the self-love tree each week. I’ll keep you posted on my progress and I hope you’ll do the same. To learning to love, honor, and respect ourselves again! (And a little self-compassion and self-forgiveness for ‘messing up' those words on my painting!)
Christine Arylo’s self-love tree (my version is above):
“I believe every single woman is a Goddess. We are divine, miraculous and glorious. It's who we are down to our core. You may need to rediscover and reclaim this part of yourself but it's there just waiting for you to rock it.”
~ Alexandra Jaye Johnson
“Your smile is the sweetest spot in the Universe, your laughter is a symphony that melts hearts and opens minds. You are crushingly gorgeous, and don't even realize it!”
~ Shakaya Leone
“We come into this world with precious gifts that are meant to be shared, if each one of us takes the time to send healing and love to the world, we truly can change the lives of many and the world around us.”
~ Jasmeine Moonsong
“It is not a selfish thing to make sure that we get enough rest and feed our bodies and spirits properly, because if we don’t, we will have nothing to give.”
~ Madisyn Taylor
Last week was another pivotal week in my healing journey. After two and a half months of no progress in healing my heel, my sports medicine doctor sent me to a foot specialist. He put me in a cast. So am I now even more immobile than I was before. Although frustrating, this has lead me to another powerful realization: sometimes you can’t control everything. Sometimes you have to let go.
I was listening to another powerful Inspired Living Secrets lecture last week with Linda Joy and Kim Turcotte. Kim and Linda were talking about this very phenomenon. As Kim put it, you have to ask for what you want and be fairly specific about it, but not so specific that the Universe can’t deliver. And then… you have to let go and let whatever is going to happen happen. Wow. Powerful words. I was blown away.
In last week’s post we were discussing walking in your power and putting on your own oxygen mask first. That was all fine and dandy until yesterday when I start freaking out, thinking “I don’t have time to walk in my power. I have way too much on my to do list that needs to get done right now.” Of course, the reality is that none of it needs to get done right now and half of it probably doesn’t really need to get done in the first place. As a friend of mine put it this weekend, “Thank your brain for getting you to where you are right now and then kindly tell it to shut up.”
Um… yeah. Easier said than done. Ever since she told me to “get out of my head and into my body” my brain hasn’t wanted to turn off. It’s like it’s working overtime to make sure I pay attention to it. But here’s the thing: while my brain is busy churning mindlessly like a hamster on a wheel, my body is tense, tight, and wound up too. So the more my brain tries to keep me preoccupied, the more my body is screaming to be heard. I feel like I’m the referee charged with keeping two boxers apart in the ring. It’s exhausting.
And so I am choosing to say, “Okay Universe, I want to heal, I want to find balance between masculine and feminine, brain and body, knowing and feeling. That’s it. Go do your thing!”
Of course the hard part is now I have to sit back and wait for the Universe to do its thing. And its thing may not be what I think it should be. Kind of like I didn’t think I need to be put in a cast despite the fact that my heel isn’t healing. The Universe is funny that way. It’s going to force me to rest to spite myself. And to spite my brain…
But I chalk it up as another life lesson in the art of letting go. As I write this, it’s November. We have two months left in 2013. So this marks a perfect time not to rush to get things done before 2014 but to just let go of what we feel needs to get done. And while we’re letting go, I’ve decided to let go of the word “need.” It really out to be outlawed because it’s used inappropriately all the time. We very rarely truly need anything. We may want things, but that’s not the same. We need air to breathe, food to eat, water to drink, some type of shelter from the cold. That’s pretty much it. We don’t need a perfect relationship, to make six figures this year, to run away to Hawaii. We may want those things, but we don’t need them.
So for the rest of the year, I am going to do my best to obliterate the word need from my vocabulary. I’m choosing to let it go. When I wake up each morning, instead of asking myself, “What do I need to do today?” I’m replacing that with, “What do I want to do today?” It’s a conscious decision to focus my energy on what I choose to put it on rather than what someone else (or my own myriad to do lists) dictates I should do (another word that ought to be banned: should). By choosing my day, by choosing to let go of the needs and the shoulds, I can consciously create the rest of my 2013. I ought to be able to do that for 2 months, right?
Wish me luck. I’m going to need it. 🙂
Goddess of Wisdom
“The answers you seek are within you. Call upon me to help reveal them to you.”
Traits Cerridwen Embodies:
– Inner wisdom
– Inner knowing
How to call on Cerridwen:
Cerridwen had a son, who had no power, so she sought to make him as wise as She was. For a year and a day, She brewed a magickal potion that contained all of her knowledge and wisdom. Needing one last ingredient, She left the brew in the care of a young boy with the instructions to stir but not taste. Of course, he tasted the brew and gained all of Cerridwen’s knowledge. Knowing She would be furious with him, he ran, turning himself into an animal in the hopes She wouldn’t recognize him. It didn’t work. She chased him all over the world, finally catching up with him after he turned himself into a grain of wheat and eating him. She later gave birth to him, and he became the greatest of bards. Because Cerridwen is known for her Cauldron of Knowledge, she can be found in the kitchen when you’re whipping up something for yourself or your family.
Prayer to Cerridwen:[Note: This is best done right before bed]
Cerridwen, Goddess of Inspiration, Knowledge, and Power
Knower of the Unknown
Hear my Prayer[Describe your problem]
I know the answers I seek are within me, but they are clouded behind veils of misperception
Please push back the veils and reveal them to me.[Sit for 15 minutes and see what Cerridwen reveals to you. If the answer you seek doesn’t come in that time frame, you may sit longer or go to sleep knowing the answer will come to you in a dream. Remember to thank Cerridwen before you go to bed and again once the answer comes to you.]
Tribute to Cerridwen:
Cerridwen’s symbols are the cauldron, pigs and grain. You can prepare a meal of pork and wheat in her honor. Alternatively, you may wish to forego pork and wheat for a period of time to show reverence to her sacred symbols.