Monthly Archives: March 2014

But My Feelings Were Silent Inside, You See

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | No Comments

Young woman showing quiet handsignLast week we talked about intimacy (Into Me You See) and how intimacy is not sex, not love. It is its own construct. Yet, it is more than just seeing into another person. It is hearing and listening to them. It’s feeling like you can speak your truth and not be judged. Like you can speak your mind and hold nothing back out of fear.

I was a guest on The Rebooted Body this morning and the host Kevin and I were talking about how adults born in our generation, most especially women, were taught that children should be seen, not heard. That their voice didn’t matter. And many of us kept this way of thinking as we grew up. Feelings should be suppressed, especially the negative ones. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But what if we were hurt by an interaction? Were we not supposed to speak up about our pain? Were we to remain there hurt, silent, and go on with our lives as though nothing had happened? For many of us, yes. That’s exactly what we believed.

When I was married, my ex-husband never asked about my day. He didn’t want to hear about it – he actually told me that on more than one occasion. He felt free to tell me in excruciating detail about his day, mind you, but he didn’t want to hear about mine. Apparently wives should be seen, not heard as well.

And so I kept it all in. My feelings were silent inside, you see.

But they weren’t, not really. When your feelings are forced down, suppressed, they are still there. And they are in no way silent. On the outside you may present a calm front, the eye of the storm; but on the inside, a war is raging. A war of anger, fear, contempt, resentment. Your feelings wanting to get out, wanting to be heard. But I wouldn’t let them.

My feelings were silent inside, you see.

Until one day when I could hold it in no longer. One day when I realized my Inner Goddess was going to be heard, no matter what. That was when my life turned upside down, felt apart, shattered.

But I came out of it, voice intact, a much stronger woman than I was before. Is the programming of “seen not heard” gone? No. The Universe frequently gets its jollies by putting men in my path who love nothing more than the sound of their own voice. Men who never once ask about my day. The difference is, those men are no longer welcome in my life.

My feelings are no longer silent inside, you see.

And I have found that when you say what you feel, sometimes that upsets certain people – especially the ones who like to talk about themselves incessantly. Their voice is threatened, apparently, by someone else speaking. But those are not the type of people I want in my life anyway. So good riddance, I say.

My feelings are no longer silent inside, you see.

As a woman, I know I have struggled with self-expression. Feeling like it is okay to share my feelings. To let people know when they’ve hurt me. To listen to my own voice and trust it. If you suffer from this as well, I encourage you to listen to my free audio: Self-Love: The Art of Self-Expression (How to Say What You Mean without Fear of Rejection).

Into Me You See

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 13 Comments

eyes I watched a beautiful video the other night called First Kiss, documenting the first kiss of 20 strangers. The laughter, the awkward moment, the approach. It was poignant, beautiful. And it made me cry.

At first I thought it was because as a recent (7 mo) divorcee, I was lonely. But then I realized it was more than that. What I crave, what I've been missing for years – long before my divorce- was intimacy.

Into Me You See.

And isn't that what we all want? Someone who sees the real us – behind the facade – and still sticks around. Someone who gets us, likes and accepts us despite of – or perhaps because of – our foibles. Someone who is always there when we need a shoulder to cry on. Someone who has our back. Someone who can genuinely say, “I see you, the real you, and I love you.”

Into Me You See.

Yet, despite the video, I have no inclinations to go out and kiss a random stranger in search of this elusive intimacy. Because a kiss is not necessarily intimacy. (You can kiss with your eyes closed, metaphorically speaking.) Just as sex is not love. Nor is it intimacy necessarily, though many people mistake it as such.

Into Me You See.

Intimacy is its own entity. Its own beast. One that is not tied, necessary, to romance, kissing, or sex. Intimacy can occur with anyone – a good friend, a coworker, a loved one, or a romantic partner. What I realized after pondering that video was that I had been waiting for intimacy to find me. I expected my ex-husband to fill that role because I had confused intimacy with romance. With sex. I thought it was the same as love. But it isn’t.

Into Me You See.

And I what I know now is that I can’t wait for this elusive intimacy to find me. It’s a gift I must cultivate – with friends, with loved ones, and eventually perhaps with a romantic partner. But I can’t start there. I can’t fall into the same trap of thinking that romance is intimacy that an ‘intimate’ relationship with a romantic partner will satisfy my needs. Because it won’t – not necessarily. And, for me, intimacy needs to come first anyway. Before the romance, before the love, before the sex. Because if I don’t believe this future partner ‘sees into me’, then I don’t want what he’s offering. Been there, done that. Was miserable.

Into Me You See.

But what I have come to understand most of all is that intimacy must start with my relationship with myself. Before friends, before loved ones, before a romantic partner. Because if I don’t “see into me,” how can I expect someone else to?

What do you see inside yourself? Do you allow yourself to ‘see into you?’

I am learning. I am ‘seeing’ – perhaps for the first time. Will you join me?

Waiting for Godot

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 6 Comments
x-rayAs I sit here waiting to learn the fate of my heel at the doctors office, I am nervous with anticipation. Universe, have I learned my lesson yet? Have I finally healed? 

 
It's been a long road, one bent with pain and frustration. For my heel, for my life. It's been a long 6 months and much has happened since I rebroke my heel. 
 
As Cosmic 2x4s go, it's been a great one. It forced me to slow down, to reassess my life, to stop for a moment and just breathe. It allowed me to realize the importance of taking care if myself, putting my oxygen mask on, and loving myself fully and completely.
 
My heel is strong, stable, supportive. It has seen me through so much in my 40 years on this Earth. And for that I am grateful. I have given it the chance to rest. I will soon know if that time has been enough.
 

Sometimes waiting is the hardest part, but it can also be where the lessons are learned. Where the struggles start to make sense. Where we realize that maybe what we were waiting for all along was there inside of us to begin with. 

 
Healing, like life, is a journey. One that it some ways we are never through with until the Universe decides our time is up.

 

What have you been waiting for? What Life questions still need answers for you to be comfortable with who you are right now? Ask yourself: do I really Need those answers. Do I really Need to keep waiting for …

 
I am reminded of a play I saw several years ago, Waiting for Godot. It's about 2 men who waste their lives waiting for this Godot, who never shows. But there they stay, waiting faithfully. 
 
Today I wait no more. I just for cleared to run again. It's been a year and a half. I've bee holding myself back, waiting for my body, mind and spirit to heal. I wait no more. I'm ready.
 

What will you stop waiting for today?  What step will you take to move forward with your life?

Featured GODDESS: Hathor

By | Featured Goddess | No Comments

Hathor

Egyptian Goddess of Creation, Love, Beauty, and Sexuality

 

“You are a sensual, beautiful woman. Never forget that. Call on me when you need a reminder to love the skin you’re in.”

 

Traits Hathor Embodies:

  • Fertility
  • Creativity
  • Self-love
  • Sexuality
  • Beauty

 

How to call on Hathor:

Mother of the sun god Ra, Hathor was the Mother Goddess in ancient Egypt. Women prayed to her for fertility, to have a healthy pregnancy, and for help during childbirth. As the embodiment of the Divine Feminine, Hathor was known for her beauty, dance, and musical abilities. More importantly, she taught the ancient Egyptians about the beauty and wonder of the female form. Call upon Hathor when you need to remember how beautiful you are and what a miracle your body actually is.

 

Prayer to Hathor:

Hathor, Mother of All,

My form is your form,

My body your body.

Help me explore my sensuality, sexuality, and the wonder that is my body.

Help me realize my own worth.

Help to recognize the miracle of my body, my life

The Divine wonderous gifts that you have given me.

Help me celebrate my curves, my femininity, my breasts and belly

For they hold the keys to life.

In this I pray.

Thank you, Hathor!

 

Tribute to Hathor:

Known as the cow goddess, Hathor may be honored by giving up beef for the day. As she was also the Goddess of Music and Dance, you can honor Her by dancing under the moonlight or singing your favorite song.

 

A Love Letter to My Body

By | Body Love, Wisdom Blog | 20 Comments

belly love (2)Last week I shared my struggles with learning to love my body again. I’ve been diving into the world of improving your body image and have come to a fascinating realization: you must learn the love the skin you’re in NOW. Not when you lose 5 lbs or the zit on your chin goes away or the cellulite disappears. You have to love your body as it is NOW – perceived imperfections, flaws, injuries, and all.

This morning I looked at myself naked in the mirror and gave thanks – to the things I love about my body and the things I don’t love so much about my body. The things that I cherish and the things that frustrate me. And the latter was more powerful than the former, because it’s those wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, and love handles that make you the woman you are today. They tell your story.

How can you give thanks for your body today? Here’s my ‘thank you.’ Feel free to adapt parts or all of it as you re-learn how to give thanks for your body – just as it is. Warts, scars, pimples, and all.

 

Hello gorgeous!

 

I love you feet. You are so supportive and keep me centered and grounded. I love that I broke my heel twice in one year and that it is so slow to heal. You, lovely heel, made me slow down when I wanted to ramp it up to the speed of light. You made me take a much-needed break. For that I am grateful.

 

I love you legs. You are so strong and get me where I need to go. I love your cellulite for it reminds me to take care of myself. I love your muscle tone for it reminds me of just how powerful you are.

 

I love you butt. I love your stretch marks for they tell the story of where you’ve been and how I’ve grown. I love the way you jiggle. You provide me with such a good cushion to sit on. And I love, love, love the way you look in jeans.

 

I love you belly. I love your extra padding – I know you’ve got me covered when I get too busy to eat. I love that you digest my food and send the energy to all the cells of my body so I can do what I want to do each day. I love your scars, for they tell of your struggles and of your triumph. Of all the surgeries you’ve been through. I love your cute little innie belly button.

 

I love you back. You are strongly, silently supportive. You help me stand and sit up straight and keep good posture. I love when you ache because you are letting me know that you need a little TLC and that I’ve been burning the candle at both ends again and need to take a break. I love when you protest so loudly that I have to call my chiropractor for she takes excellent care of us.

 

I love you breasts. Your softness, your fullness, your sensitivity. I love when you ache because I know my hormones are doing their job and my period is on its way. I love your color, how you turn rigid and pebble when you’re cold or aroused. You communicate my feelings better than I do sometimes!

 

I love you collarbones. I love the way you stick out, the way you accent my neck and shoulders. I love the way you hold up my chest and support my internal organs to do their job to their fullest capacity.

 

I love you shoulders. You are downright sexy. I love your muscle tone, your strength. I love that you protest when I work you too hard, that you tense up when I’ve been sitting at my desk for too long. You remind me to take a Goddess break now and then.

 

I love you arms. You let me reach for the stars and never hold me back. I love when your elbow tendonitis kicks in because it lets me know I’ve been working you too hard and you need a break. I love your softness. I love your sun spots and freckles for they tell of all the exciting places we’ve been.

 

I love you neck. You do such a good job of holding up our head! I love your wrinkles, for they tell your age – like rings on a tree. They tell of your life experiences, your struggles, your triumphs. I love when you ache and let me know I need to move you in some direction other than looking forward at my computer screen. I love that when you get tight, you still pop and release and feel better.

 

I love you face. I love your wrinkles, for they tell our story – of all the good – and not so good – times we’ve spent together. I love your sun spots for they remind me of when we were in Hawaii. I love that you still get acne at age 40. It makes me feel young again. I love that you have smile lines. It lets me know I’ve lived a good, happy life.

 

I love you eyes for you are the window to my Soul. And you’re gorgeous! I love your color, your openness, your honesty. For you let the world see us for who we are.

 

I love you ears. I love that you are so big so I can hear everything I want to. I love that you too get blackheads and pimples, just like my face. You let me know not to forget to take care of you.

 

I love you hair.  You are long and luxurious. I love your color- even your grey stripe that grows in width each passing year. You are sexy and soft and make me feel like the goddess I am.

 

I love you brain. You are so smart. You help me write, think, talk, and feel. I love it when you obsess and ruminate for it lets me know what I need to let go of.

 

I love you organs. You do such a wonderful job keeping me alive. I love that I don’t have to remember to breathe or tell our heart to beat. You just do it all on your own with no help from me.

 

I love you ovary, fallopian tube, and uterus. I love our struggle with endometriosis because it made me realize what a gift my periods were. I love that you sacrificed one side of my reproductive system so you could thrive. I love that you took a little 9-year break to recoup before coming back in full force. You make me feel like the powerful woman I am.

 

I love you blood. You are my life. Without you I could not live. I love that you transport nutrients where they need to go. I love that you bleed red – the color of life. I love that you pour forth from me every 28 days and remind me of what a gift you are.

 

I love you, body. I love you, Mary. I give thanks for you – for all the miracles you perform every day. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

I hope you too will take some time today to celebrate you and your body. You (and your body) are truly a miracle.

 

Goddess bless!