Monthly Archives: November 2014

Dreams – Jasmeine Moonsong

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“Take a breath,
and when you do,
realize that you can make
all your dreams come true.

Wish upon the breeze that softly blows
think about the steps that on your path you must go,
send your intentions back upon the wind
and get ready to pick up the journey to your dreams again.”

– Jasmeine Moonsong

Bravery – Jodi Chapman

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When we are brave enough to share our true authentic self with the world, we make room for miracles. When we remember that we’re all different and that it’s okay to not look like someone else or talk like someone else or share like someone else – it’s actually preferable that you are in your own lane doing your own thing following your own heart. Because that’s where the true magic lies. – Jodi Chapman

What Will You Create This Holiday Season?

By | Walk the Path, Wisdom Blog | 10 Comments

conceptIf you’re in the United States, then you are well aware that it’s Thanksgiving week. This means the holidays are upon us. This also means that we only have about 5.5 weeks left in 2014.

I like to spend this time of year in contemplation. Just as Earth is going dormant to prepare for Winter (I still have snow on the ground from the storm we got over a week ago), I too like to spend the end of my year going within and preparing for the new year.

As we just had a New Moon in Sagittarius the same day (Nov 21st) that the Sun entered Sagittarius, there is no better time to create the rest of your 2014 while both the moon and sun are in a fire sign.

I asked my Inner Goddess what She wanted to focus on for the rest of 2014 and this is what she said.

I choose to create and love:

  • The Balance I have created in my life, both of my academic job and my Goddess business and a balance of work, play, and relaxation so I can heal my adrenal fatigue and enter 2015 ready to hit the ground running!
  • Me and fully embrace self-care this holiday season
  • This dormant period in my business because great things are happening behind the scenes that I’m not even aware of yet
  • Gratitude by letting others know when I appreciate them
  • The Priestess/Goddess/Woman I am becoming by honoring, respecting, and loving her for who she is right now
  • A deeper connection to the Goddess/Divine by immersing myself in the Priestess Process and honoring and working with the phases of the moon
  • My own healing process because I can’t be of service to others if I haven’t first healed myself
  • The abundance and prosperity I have in my life and love

 

How do you want to spend the rest of your year? What do you want to create? Holiday chaos and to-do lists or a sense of inner calm and serenity? 

Mother, Martyr, Bitch?

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BitchIt was a Wednesday night. I planned to take the evening off to relax and rejuvenate after a long week and weekend working. My man promised to make dinner so I could relax and I had a book picked out to read in front of the fire.

I was finishing up my work when I got the text from my man. It was 5:30. He was stuck in traffic and was getting a massage at our house at 6:30.
 
I texted him back, “Do you want me to get something started?”
 
“Yes,” he texted back. I asked what I should start. “Everything.” Alrighty then.
 
30 min later, he walks in. “Do you know how to sew? I ripped my coat.”
 
I quickly finished dinner, and we wolfed it down before his massage therapist arrived.
 
An hour and a half later, I had finished hand-sewing his coat and was finally ready to sit down and relax. Except that I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open.
 
Sighing, I gave up and got ready for bed.
 
By the time my man finished getting his massage, I was sobbing. I resented the fact that I whiled away my evening of rest do-ing. I resented the fact that I had to cook for him when he was supposed to be cooking for me. I resented him for getting a massage while I wasted my rest time mending his coat. Most of all, I was frustrated and angry with myself for yet again failing to keep a promise to myself and failing to take care of my needs.
 
“What's wrong?” He asked.
 
Through my sobbing I relayed my frustrations about spending my restful evening do-ing things for him.
 
“I never asked you to fix my coat,” he said. “I asked if you could sew. I was hoping you would teach me.”
 
I stopped and thought. He hadn't asked me to fix his coat; nor had he asked me to fix dinner, for that matter. Somewhere in my mind, “Can you sew?” had been translated to, “Will you fix my coat while I get a massage?”
 
He followed up this observation with a question, “What happened in your childhood to make you think you always had to do?”
 
It wasn't any one thing; it was everything. It was what was expected, how I was raised. I was taught that life was about being of service to others – at the expense of yourself. At the same time, I learned that people needed to be reminded – regularly – of your great sacrifice and service to them.
 
Mother = martyr.
 
That's how you prove your worth. That's how people know who you are and what value you have to them. It's sad, really.
 
Of course, the thing that really got me was that I have criticized and judged my mother for playing the role of the martyr many a time in my adult life. I even accused her of liking it, which she denied. Yet, there I was, playing out my role of martyr in the ‘mothering' years of my life.
 
Then it occurred to me: I have a choice. I don't have to be a martyr – or a mother, for that matter. Women in my generation have many more opportunities than our mothers did. We can choose to play out a different role, roles that our mothers never dreamed possible.
 
But if I'm not a martyr – if I'm not proving my worth by do-ing then what am I?
 
I learned growing up that I must be of service to others at my own expense. Anything less was selfish. So if I decide to choose differently – to not be of service at my own expense – then what does that make me? According to women who suffer the martyr complex, likely I'd be a selfish bitch.
 
Dictionary.com agrees: a bitch is “a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.”
 
I disagree.
 
In her book, The Bitch, the Crone, and the Harlot, Susan Schacterle defines a bitch as, “A positive archetype of a Bitch at midlife is that of a woman who has become so comfortable with who she is that she doesn’t hesitate to take appropriate action in any situation. Her actions are no longer so governed by what others think, but rather by what she knows to be true. This is a woman whose intuition is so well-developed that she knows in her gut what to do. Part of her personal mission is to perform actions that are shaped by integrity, insight, and compassion. This woman can make things happen anywhere but, unlike the street-defined bitch, there is no selfishness, no unkindness about her; she takes action and creates results that are the highest and best for everyone involved, within a framework of wisdom and love.”
 
Now that's a definition I can aspire to! Who wouldn't want to be a bitch with that definition? Sign me up!
 
Yet, if you called a woman a ‘bitch', I'm guessing very few would say thank you. The negative connotation of the term is too powerful.
 
So what if we, as women, decided to change that? What if we hung up our Superwoman capes and said ‘no thank you' to the martyr complex? What if we embraced our inner bitch, understanding that meant saying yes to our intuition? Our compassion? Ourselves? What if, for once, we were finally and truly comfortable in our own skin? What if we felt free to speak our truth and walk in our power?
 
I'm willing to aspire to be a bitch. Are you?

Everyday GODDESS: Jan Deelstra

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Women’s Empowerment Coach and Transformational Author, Jan Deelstra is the author of Blessings in the Mire: A True Story of Miracles & Recollections; Escaping the Chrysalis: Introduction to Gestalt Techniques for Self-Esteem Transformation; Shadows Attached: Mad Woman Poetry; Chasing Rabbits & I Am…: The Art of Attainment; Inspiring Words For Reflection; The Flying Game and coming soon, Infinite Pie. Her life’s calling is helping others find their wings, connecting everyday life to spirituality.

What does being an Everyday Goddess mean to you?

Being an Everyday Goddess means to courageously follow my authentic calling as a transformational author and women’s empowerment coach, consciously leading by example while supporting others’ unfolding wings. It carries a responsibility of being continuously in the awakening process, of honing self-awareness, and of continuing to evolve even in the grip of those who would love to hold captive, the status quo. It implies a constant connection to Mother Earth and to the Universal Source of Creation, and it necessitates an aura of expansion, compassion, cooperation, nonjudment and support for all others, and receptivity to the allowance of energy circulation, while remaining true to my ‘self’. It means embracing the ‘whole’ of beingness –learning to step fully into the light, and to love every facet of who I am as I encourage others to do the same.

 

At what age did you awaken to the presence of the Divine Feminine and would you describe it as a sudden awakening or a gentle unfolding?

Although my mother was in and out of my life by the time I was around the age of five or six, she was highly intuitive and taught me to be in touch with my intuition, so the seeds to my awakening to the presence of the Divine Feminine, if not innate via DNA, were planted early. But the sprouts were severed following the death of my brother/best friend in 1977. He was 22, and I was 24. His birth was 2 years and 2 days after mine, and we grew up close. He died of what the Medical Examiner determined to be, “unknown, natural causes.” He died in his sleep, like an infant succumbs to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). In this case, it was SADS –Sudden Adult Death Syndrome, something that occurs not infrequently. To lose a close loved-one, confidant, and the one sibling who had been with me through the dark and the light, was unforgiveable. With no reason for such profound loss, I abandoned all belief in a higher power and disowned my former spirituality. “If there was a God or Higher Power,” I reasoned, “my brother would not have been taken for ‘no reason’.”  My slate of beliefs was wiped clean with one fast swipe by the hand of Death. And as blessings are known to surface and blossom from seeds of despair, it was the place where I began to question everything, and to learn so much about my spirit and spirituality. It was my ‘ground zero.’  And it was the foundation for all I am today.

 

What roles in your life had to transform in order for you to live authentically?

Because my father died suddenly when I was only 18 months old, leaving my mother pregnant and with three children she was ill-equipped to support,  my childhood was a duct taped tapestry of fragments pieced together from slivers of several foster homes. I was a child of the fifties, with no consistent male role model outside of black and white television programs where “Father Knows Best.” Having no father, I learned to be ultra-aware of how others operated and take what I could get from a soup of examples. In the end, I let go of a lot of traditional patriarchal values and beliefs in order to learn to own my voice, and to trust myself, as indeed, I quickly learned that I was the only one I could consistently depend on. I was shy, awkward, and terribly curious about life, so I had to learn to own my small voice, and to own my power. That strength came in handy when I became a Teamster truck driver in order to support my three young children following a divorce when I was twenty-three. Somehow I kept my feminine spirit even as I learned to change tires on semi-tractors, and double-clutch the big rigs, and mastered ‘heavy-highway’ equipment. I had to learn to trust myself explicitly when traditional male truckers and their curious and/or insecure loves and wives showed up to take a look at this ‘Mother Trucker’ –this woman who had dared infiltrate the status quo. The bigger truth was that I wasn’t there to get a man. I was there because I had three youngsters to feed, and working in a traditional role as truck driver was the only way I could figure –having no education, how to support my babies on my own. But I consciously clung to my feminine principles throughout the evolution of owning my power, even when laboring physically in the ‘good-old-boy’ arena.

 

What have been some of the greatest inner gifts you’ve experienced since stepping into your feminine power?

I am so blessed and lucky! Stepping into my feminine power gave me the inspiration to forgive –myself included, and the courage to trust myself, first and foremost to have my own best answers. It gave me the pluck to drive trucks, to open my first business, to return to school, to teach assertiveness training and self-sufficiency skills, to become a gestalt group facilitator for women while working for the Department of Human Services, to write a dozen self-development books, and to ultimately step into the divine light as a women’s empowerment coach. Most profoundly, stepping into my feminine power was the sacred force which got me through the darkest tunnel as I entered and came out on the other side of the death of my son; it is this divine feminine source which resides within, that allows me to find the blessings in the mire of any event, regardless of how nefarious. It is the force and source of self-forgiveness, and of the emerging growth of my wings.

Can you share some of your favorite sacred feminine rituals?

My divine feminine toolkit overflows with goddess rituals! From being practiced in the ancient energy art of Feng Shui –which I apply to every area of my environments including my bookshelves, to reading goddess and angel tarot, to living my life by the moon cycles, to writing the books, to smudging, and to keeping the journals, sacred feminine rituals are woven through my life. My mother was a card reader, but only for herself. It never seemed odd to me to communicate with loved ones who have passed over, or to read the messages of the cards before starting out on my day, or to celebrate the seasons and give offering in gratitude. Whether burning healing incense or freeing the energy in a prosperity candle, decorating my various altars with intention, casting spells, clearing spaces, or setting new moon goals, goddess rituals are an integral part of my life that is carried down the line through my daughter and granddaughters.

Is there a particular Goddess that you are intimately drawn to and why?

Although I feel a kinship with the Buddhist Goddess Kuan Shih Yin, best known as Quan Yin, Goddess of Mercy and Companion, and with Rhiannon (whom my granddaughter is named after) I am mostly drawn to the divine goddess essence. In 1994 I opened Ruby Luna’s Angel Emporium, a small gift shop dedicated to all things goddess and angelic. Books, statues, table-top, wall-art, jewelry, gossamer clothing, music and meditation, ritual wares, and oh-so-much-more were offered; the goddess energy was palpable in that store. Everyday Goddesses gathered from around the globe to practice rituals, share secrets and wares, and to bask in the goddess energies.  I was the neighborhood “Angel Lady” to those who didn't yet realize that I was, and still am, a practicing goddess.

 

Is there a personal message that you would like to share with women?  

My life calling is to share a personal message with women, and that is, you have one purpose while on this Earth: That is to learn to love every facet of who you are. This self-love and forgiveness radiates outward into the ethers and feeds the Universe a serving of divine love that returns to feed and heal the globe and her inhabitants. It is the transformational empowering message that is woven into all my books, in my online courses, in the live group gatherings, and in all of my various levels of women’s empowerment coaching services.  Forgive yourself daily. You are worthy. Shine your brilliant light.  ♥

Learn More at:

www.JanDeelstra.com   

 

Our Everyday Goddess invites you to download her free gift:

To receive a Self-Esteem Kickstart gift, visit http://www.JanDeelstra.com/subscribe. You will also receive Spirit of Women, a monthly museletter to inspire the goddess in you. PLUS, you’ll receive access to a special members only FB group, Winged~Women!

 

Visit to Claim Your Gift:

http://www.JanDeelstra.com/subscribe

 

 

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Featured GODDESS: Freya

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freya

Freya

Goddess of Love

“Take a risk; follow your heart. It will help lead the way to your desires.”

 

 

Traits Freya Embodies:

  • love
  • sexuality
  • beauty
  • fertility
  • adventure

 

How to call on Freya:

Known for riding a chariot pulled by two cats, having a pet boar, and donning a cloak of falcon feathers, Freya was not a Goddess to be reckoned (hello –she had a wild boar as a pet!). Some historians believe this Norse Goddess was replaced by the Virgin Mary when Norway and Sweden were Christianized. Regardless, her name still lives on in several plants and place names in modern-day Scandinavia.

 

Prayer to Freya:

 

Freya, Goddess of Love

Help me to be bold enough to pursue my dreams

Daring enough to reach for the stars

And courageous enough to live among them!

I ask that you show me the way!

Thank you, Freya!

 

Tribute to Freya:

Given Freya’s associations with birds and animals, spending some time volunteering in an animal sanctuary or taking care of stray animals who seek you out would not go unnoticed by Freya.

What Do You Want?

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | One Comment

Young woman watching airplane fly by from tropical beachReally truly want? I've been asked that question a lot lately in different forms: relationships, ideal life, dream life, work-life balance, etc.

 
I thought I knew the answers until I really started to think about it, to delve deeper. So I went back to my Life Satisfaction Inventory and really asked those questions. I found the answers enlightening and not necessarily what I thought I would say. So let's pull the gloves off and dig deep. The key is to connect in with your inner goddess and respond with the first thing that comes up – not what your brain says, but what your heart says. This is not a ‘should' or ‘need to' or a to-do list! This is your heart, your intuition taking the wheel for a little while. We'll get to the do-ing kind later. 🙂
 
Ready? Take a deep breath, out your hand over your heart, grab your journal, and dive in!
 
 

What do I want my Physical Activity to look like?

 

I thought my answer would be running and weight lifting, but that's not what came out. My intuition simply said, ‘I want to be fit and healthy.'

 

What do I want my Nutrition to look like?

 
I figured I'd get chocolate! My intuition said, ‘I want to be able to eat whatever I feel like without digestive consequences.' If you suffer from food allergies and intolerances like I do, you know this is a tall order!
 

What do I want my Finances to look like?

 
I never thought of myself as someone focused on getting more money; I just want enough to pay for my needs and some of my wants. My heart thinks differently about this one: ‘I want to be wealthy and live an abundant and affluent lifestyle.' Well, alrighty then!
 

What do I want my Joy to look like?

 
This one wasn't too surprising: ‘I want to be joy-full.'
 

What do I want my Creativity to look like?

 
‘I want to paint again and finish my series.' Last fall I started painting my chakras. I got through 5, started 6, didn't like it, painted over it and quit. So it's still sitting on my shelf waiting to be finished. Time to get the paints and brushes back out!
 

What do I want my Spirituality to look like?

 
I want to be an Everyday Goddess/Priestess  and do a better job of following the moon's cycles and the seasons.
 

What do I want my Education to look like?

 
I figured I wouldn't have anything to say about this as I have no desire to go back to school right now. But my intuition was thinking outside he box on this one: I want to learn how to pole dance and be a better belly dancer.
 

What do I want my Career to look like?

 
No big surprise on this one: I want to be a successful entrepreneur.
 

What do I want my Relationship with my Romantic Partner to look like?

 
This one was inspired by fellow Everyday Goddesses Stacey Martino, Linda Joy, and Lisa Marie Rosati: I want to have a partner who treats me like the Goddess I am.
 

What do I want my Relationships with my Family to look like?

After scattering my dad's ashes a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I want to have a better relationship with my mother. I'm not sure what at will look like, I just know it needs lots of work!
 

What do I want my Relationships with Friends to look like?

 
This one surprised me as well as I thought I did… I want to have friends that I enjoy spending time with and are there for me. I think this holds true for me as well. I need to do a better job being a good friend. Life has been so crazy lately that I haven't been prioritizing my friends. This needs to change.
 

What do I want my Social Life to look like?

 
My brain would have said, ‘What social life?!, but my heart said: I want to have girlfriend time at least once a week outside of work and dance.
 

What do I want my Home Environment to look like?

 
I want my home to be my sanctuary. It used to be and I made some changes lately to make sure it still feels that way.
 

What do I want my Self-Care to look like?

 
My brain says I don't have time. Good thing m heart knows: I want to take exquisite care of myself. This is a struggle for me when the busyness takes over. Fortunately my body always knows when I need a break and makes sure I take it!  I write this as I am home sick today. 🙂
 

What do I want my Physical Health to look like?

 
I want to heal my adrenal fatigue. It's a good the I'm prioritizing my self-care as that's the way to heal adrenal fatigue…
 

What do I want my Mental Health to look like?

 
I want to heal my anxiety. Lisa Marie Rosati says that worry is putting our power into the future. I'd rather keep my energy and my power in the here and now.
 
 
So how did you do? Any surprises? I'd love to here your thoughts below. 

Out of the Ashes, I Shall Rise

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 3 Comments

I scattered my father’s ashes last Friday – Halloween. I felt the day was appropriate. On my way up the mountain, I realized something. As I carried the weight of my father to his final resting place, I grasped just how tired I am. I’ve carried my father’s weight, my mother’s weight, my ex-husband’s weight, my boyfriend’s weight, and the weight of just about anyone that ever needed anything. And what did it get me? Adrenal fatigue, which isn’t improving because I’m still carrying everyone else’s weight.

I’m not blaming anyone for this. It was my decision – consciously or not. It’s what I’ve been do-ing all my life. But I can’t keep doing this. Friday, I sat down my father’s weight. I sat down my mother’s weight; my ex’s; work’s; my boyfriend’s. I will no longer be carrying anyone’s weight – emotionally, mentally, physically, financially – aside from my own. I can’t.

I emerged from my father’s ashes with a new perspective. I pulled two cards after I scattered his ashes and asked him for his wisdom. The first card I pulled was Freya. The message was to unleash your adventurous side; take risks and be daring. This was Dad telling me to stop working so much and start enjoying my life. If there was one thing my Dad was really good at it was balance, segmenting his life. There was a time to work and a time to play and rest and chill out and just be. I’m fabulous at the former, but not at the latter. That was my call to action. Then I asked him how I was supposed to learn to be, to rest, to relax. I pulled the Nurture card from the Healing Deck: I support and protect those I care about. Though he meant it for me: I support and protect me because I care about me. Translation: I need to take care of me and focus on me so that I can learn to relax and unwind and actually have a little fun in my life.

As I write this, I asked the Goddess for guidance. I pulled Ostara, Goddess of Fertility: “It is the perfect time for you to start new projects, access new ideas, and give birth to new conditions.” Translation: it’s the perfect time to give birth to the new me, the Goddess Awakening to her true potential, to her ideal life. It’s time to speak my truth and walk in my power. My Healing card for the day only reinforced this:  Grow: I enjoy every day as an opportunity to grow. This card is telling me not to be so hard on myself, to realize that everything that has happened, every decision I made brought me to this point. Without every single moment of sadness, every single moment of joy, anger, bitterness, resentment, love, disappointment, healing, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Out of the ashes, I shall rise. But my rising is done in gentleness, in acceptance, in forgiveness instead of self-blame, self-criticism, self-judgment.

It’s not my job to take care of anyone else. I can barely take care of myself right now. And yes, I did this to myself. I own that and take full responsibility for my choices, but moving forward I am going to be making different choices – ones that honor me.

What burdens will you let go of today? What decisions will you make to honor you today? What ashes have you risen from?