Monthly Archives: December 2014

Everyday GODDESS: Kelly Schaefer

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A skilled, “multi-tasking” mother of four, and Registered Nurse, Kelly Schaefer is the owner of Task Complete, a full service Lifestyle Management company. In business today, she upholds a mission of giving families and busy professionals reliable and compassionate assistance so they can meet the demands of everyday life. As CEO and Lifestyle Management coach, it is her purpose to help you manage the minutia of day to day living to live an abundant life, full out and in joy.

What does being an Everyday Goddess mean to you?

To me, being an Everyday Goddess means living a full life! As a mother I have witnessed so many other women and mothers in general who restrict themselves of living and enjoying life by giving over all their time to their friends, family and society, saving none for themselves. Being an Everyday Goddess means living a life on your own terms, enjoying the beauty that life and living has to offer and acknowledging that we are that powerful, and we can have it all. We are truly meant to live and enjoy what our life has to offer and not just live through it.

 

At what age did you awaken to the presence of the Divine Feminine and would you describe it as a sudden awakening or a gentle unfolding?

Holy wow! I want to say I was smacked upside the head just a few years ago. I was living my life by what society says a mother and woman should do, but inside I felt as if “I” was slowly slipping away. All the fire and humor and passion for life was slowly being replaced with “tasks” and “need to dos”. My business was taking over my life and I began losing the joy I used to see in the world, replaced with worry and fear as to whether or not I would be “successful”. What I have learned is that I am and always have been all of these things, and it is THAT which makes us a Goddess. All the bumps and bruises and inner truth and desire all balled up into one perfect feminine.

 

What roles in your life had to transform in order for you to live authentically?

I needed to start focusing on what I really wanted. That was a well-balanced life full of love, joy, and of course fun! I stopped listening to other people who told me that in order for my family to be happy I needed to always be there. And in order for my business to thrive I had to have strict hours of operation and let go of all my household responsibilities. But these were things that brought me joy.

I also needed to learn to let go off the strong masculine I had lived in for decades. That masculine served me well for a very long time, but now was a time for growing, changing and evolving into a well-balanced Goddess, using both my innate feminine and masculine energies symbiotically.

 

What have been some of the greatest inner gifts you’ve experienced since stepping into your feminine power?

I get to be more of me. I speak up when I need something, I have learned to ask for help and accept it! I have learned that things around me don’t always have to be “perfect”.  I learned that I can be powerful, successful, a mother and a lover all at once, all while embracing my feminine and allowing myself to be open and to receive and not just always use my masculine to get what I need or want. It brings within an inner calm. It creates a space in your life where you actually stop and enjoy and witness all the beauty and abundance around you instead of always forcing forward for the next big accomplishment.

 

Can you share some of your favorite sacred feminine rituals?

I love beautiful things! Anything that makes me feel abundant! Fresh flowers and candles in my working space. Taking the time to exercise my body and mind on a regular basis. And the #1 way is dancing!! Something happens to me and spirit works through me when I dance, no holding back, just fluid body to the beat of the music.

 

Is there a particular Goddess that you are intimately drawn to and why?

I have 2 actually! It’s so typical to my duality! Athena for her courage, strength, wisdom and belief in justice. And of course Aphrodite for she is the embodiment of beauty and love and for me represents abundance and experiencing daily pleasures. Pleasures of beautiful flowers in a garden or on your desk. Beauty in the clothes we feel most Goddess in. Being purely open and feminine.

 

Is there a personal message that you would like to share with women?  

No matter where you are in life at this moment, you have the power to change it and live a life full love and joy. All you need to do is decide, gain support from others around you and open yourself to receive the richest life imaginable. A life by your own design.

 

Learn More at:

www.TaskComplete.com 

 

 

Our Everyday Goddess invites you to download her free gift:

Do Less, Live More!

 

Visit to Claim Your Gift:

http://www.taskcomplete.com/do-less-live-more/

 

 

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How to Be a Goddess

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 7 Comments

Mary1Are you ready to fully embrace your Goddess self in 2015? I know I am. 2013 was the Year of the Cosmic 2×4 for me. 2014 was supposed to be the Year of Me, and it was, but not the way I originally envisioned it. You see, I kept giving my power away and kept having to fight to take it back.

2015 is going to be different. Why? I learned a lot about myself in 2014 and spent much of the past few months releasing what no longer served – old beliefs, old patterns, old archetypes that were dragging me down.

I had a conversation with my friend and chiropractor a few weeks ago. She was helping me identify and release the Madonna complex. I had asked her what I was supposed to do after I released the Madonna complex to ensure I didn't fall back into that old trap again. She said, “You have to make up your own Goddess.” I thought what a great, fun idea that sounded like. But, it's more than that. It's not just about making up a new Goddess; it's about Be-ing Her. Be-ing the Goddess within.

Are you ready to Be a Goddess? Here's how.

1) Decide on a name – it might be your own name, or if you want to start anew, or you might choose a different name (Note: I am not saying you have to legally change or name or even tell anyone about your new Goddess name; you're doing this for you, so it's up to you who you decide to tell)

2) Look through books, websites, goddess oracle cards, the Featured Goddess section of this website and write down all the traits you admire in your fellow Goddesses. You can even choose traits from real people, if you'd like. (Check out the Everyday Goddess section for inspiration!)

3) Decide what you want to be Goddess of. Your domain might be Love, Creativity, the Arts, Business Success, etc.

4) Decide which of the traits you listed above are central to your new Goddess identity. Pick at least three traits, but no more than seven. (You can't be Goddess of everything!)

5) Write down your Goddess story – did you rise like a Phoenix out if the ashes, did you ride in on a seashell from the ocean, did you just appear full grow one day? This is your new Goddess story; it doesn't have to look anything like your original story.

6) Make up your own prayer – if people were to pray to you, what would they be praying to you for? (See Featured Goddess section for examples)? Do they value your strength, your wisdom, your cunning, your boldness?

7) Decide how your followers should pay tribute to you? Every Goddess needs a temple, or at the very least an altar. What should your followers bring you or do on your behalf to show their appreciation for you? (Again check out the Featured Goddess section for ideas.)

Go here to see my Goddess self!

Now we get to the really fun part!

 

8) Get to know your new Goddess self – How does she start and end her day? What does she like to eat for breakfast? How does she spend her time? What does she most enjoy doing? What are her hobbies? Design your ideal Goddess day and life here. Go wild!

 

9) Decide how your new Goddess self will dress and act – Does she always wear purple? Does she wear a certain piece of jewelry? How does she act when people come to pay tribute to her? What happens if they disrespect her? Remember: this is the new Goddess you. She may behave or dress very differently than the original you.

 

10) Decide how you are going to invoke your Goddess self – Are you going to hold a ritual? Say a prayer? Will the act of dressing a certain way or wearing certain jewelry serve as your invocation/reminder to be your new Goddess self?

 

11) Be a Goddess! – Expect people to treat you differently; you are a Goddess after all. People learn how to treat you based on how you treat yourself and what you will and won't put up with. It make take a few times interacting with the new Goddess you before they realize they can't treat you like they used to. That's okay. You don't need to be vindictive about it. Just gently let them know through your words and actions how you'd like to be treated and that they either need to get on board – and start paying tribute to you! – or get out of your life.

 

12) Be gentle with yourself – Being a Goddess may take some adjustment on your part too. You might fall into old patterns or want to change some of your new Goddess traits. That's perfectly fine. You're a Goddess; you're certainly allowed to make mistakes and change your mind. When you fall off track, just go back to your Goddess invocation ritual (or whatever you do to invoke your new Goddess self) and do it again. Or maybe you need to do your invocation daily or change something about it to make it more powerful for you. Play with it! Have fun! You're a Goddess!

 

Let's make 2015 the Year of the Goddess, shall we? See your Goddess self on the other side!

Madonna Complex Revisited

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Rose On Wood BWAfter last week’s post on the Madonna Complex, I decided I needed to do some release work and healing around my relationship with Mother Mary. So I wrote her a letter. I share it with you here in case you find it useful.

 

Dear Mother Mary,

 I greatly appreciate the sacrifice you made on the part of all women, all mothers. That you gave of yourself, your life to fulfill a role you did not choose, as Mother of All. But I think society and religion have served you up on a silver platter to women of my generation. You see, we're supposed to be you. Virginly, giving, pure, nurturing, self-sacrificing, be-ing of service to everyone too we have nothing left. Women expect it of us. Men expect it of us. And sometimes, like you, we're punished when we're not.

I know in your time, that is in fact, what you did. Yet, I don't think you ever meant your life to be a legacy. I don't believe you wanted us to give of ourselves until we were empty, barren vessels. I think you thought that, as your son gave his life in ultimate sacrifice so that no one would have to do that again – that no woman would have to lose her son like that again – you thought that similarly your sacrifice of giving up your son to those who betrayed him would stop the sacrifice we as women had to make.

That hasn't happened. We don't call it being a Madonna in our time. We call it people pleasing, superwoman syndrome, or a Madonna complex (and if it's got the word ‘complex' tacked on the end, it's not a good thing). It's something that we don't necessarily aspire to be; rather, it's something we think we have to do as women. That it's our role, our sacrifice. And yet, unlike, or perhaps like, your sacrifice, we end up sacrificing ourselves and have nothing to show for it. We too have lost sons, daughters, husbands, grandchildren in the line of battle. Wars are fought and wars are won based on the ultimate sacrifice of human beings. Or, in reality, human do-ings, do-ing what they think they should do or what is expected of them at great cost to themselves as well as mankind. Each one of them believing their sacrifice will make a difference, make this a better world.

Sadly, that's not happening. Sacrifices only seem to give way to more – bigger and bigger sacrifices. And at the end of the day, we are sad. Women are depressed. (Insert stats) and, like you, we are tired of giving, sacrificing, serving. We want to make a different choice, but fear the consequences if we do.

Mother Mary, hear our prayers. Help us heal our world without sacrificing ourselves in the process. Help us heal our world by helping us heal ourselves. For healed grandmothers mean healed mothers and healed mothers mean healed daughters. And those healed daughters, mothers, grandmothers will heal the Earth, will create a path to peace, to abundance.

So tell us what to do. Let us know what happened, really happened in your time, and what you wish you had done differently. For you must know that your sacrifice was not the answer, not the end of suffering, of war, of pain. It's time to release the notion that self-sacrifice, that embodying the Madonna is the way to enlightenment or to improve our lives or the human condition. Let us then take this information and use it to heal ourselves and our world. For it takes far more than a sacrifice, no matter how great it is, to heal the world and too many sacrifices have already been made in an effort to change things.

Thank you, Mother Mary! I await your reply.

 

I asked for my answer to come in dreams, which I often do. I dreamed I was with my mother on an Indian reservation. I wanted to go off exploring the trails and she wanted to look at the dying rose garden. As we were looking at the dying, frozen roses, a group of teenagers came up to us. I then found myself in the mall trying to shop for clothes as these teenage girls looked in and scoffed at me for thinking I could fit in clothing their size. (By the way, I hate shopping in the mall.) I ended up waiting in line, holding a place while my mother shopped the busy store.

What does all of this mean? What is Mother Mary trying to tell me? A few things, I think. 1) it's okay to take a different path than my mother did, as her current path only leads to dying, frozen roses (I will stay frozen, stuck if I follow her path). 2) I am no longer a teenager. I don't have to abide by my mother's wishes anymore.

I clearly have some work to do, both healing work and release work. There is no anger here – at me or at my mother. Rather, it's an observation that if things are going to change, it must begin with me following my own path, going off exploring uncharted territory. It must be this way to avoid staying stuck, frozen.

So what is this new path, new way of being? Only time will tell, but I guarantee it won't look anything like my mother's path or that of the Madonna.

Featured GODDESS: Lucina

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lucina

 

Lucina

Goddess of Light

“Why have you been hiding your light? It’s time to come out from behind the dark curtain.”

 

 

 

 

Traits Lucina Embodies:

  • Inner wisdom
  • Light-bringer
  • Illumination
  • Insight
  • Self-trust

 

How to call on Lucina:

Protector of women, especially during childbirth, Lucina is the Goddess who brings light (and children of the light) to the world. Some say she is a Moon Goddess; some say she is an aspect of Juno or Artemis. Although her parentage is a mystery, one thing is clear: if you find yourself in the dark, call upon Lucina to help light your way – literally or metaphorically!

 

Prayer to Lucina:

 

Lucina, You who bring Light to the Dark,

Hear my Prayers

I have been hiding my light,

Afraid for the world to see who I really am

But I am ready to emerge from behind the curtain of my own creation,

Ready to shine my light for all the world to see

In this I pray for your help!

Thank you Light-Bringer,

Thank you Lucina!

 

Tribute to Lucina:

 

The best way to honor Lucina is to shine your light! Be a beacon unto the world. Speak your truth, walk in your power, and Soar!

The Madonna Complex

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 4 Comments

madonnaA couple of weeks ago, I talked about having a Martyr Complex, but I think I mis-named it. When I think of Martyrs, I think of people who gave selflessly, rather than people who give and give and then let you know about it so you can appreciate their sacrifices. When I described what I meant my martyr complex to a friend of mine, she corrected me: that’s the Madonna complex.

 

So what is the Madonna complex? Last week, I told you about my problem taking on other people’s stuff – even without them asking. This is part of it. Yet, it’s more than that. Let’s look at how Mary, Mother of Jesus, the Madonna is portrayed in our culture. Because I like to tell stories, we are going to put ourselves in Mary’s shoes. This is not going to sound very Biblical. Please bear with me.

 

8-year-old Mary woke to a bright light shining in her eyes. “Wh-what?” she murmured.

 

“Awaken, child,” she heard a voice say as she felt a hand on her arm.

 

Opening her eyes fully, she was nearly blinded by his presence. Fearful of the large man in front of her – who had wings! – she scooted back on her bed as far as she possibly could.

 

He smiled at her. “Do not be frightened, my child.” He held his hand out to her.

 

She shook her head. “Who are you?” she whispered, wondering why no one else was awake. It was bright in there!

 

“My name is Gabriel,” he explained, “And I’ve come to you with a message from above.”

 

Mary looked up at the ceiling, wondering what “above” he was referring to.

 

He chuckled. “I am a messenger of God,” he informed her.

 

Not fully grasping what he meant, Mary shook her head again.

 

“You are to be the mother of God incarnate, child,” he explains. “Do you know what that means?”

 

She shook her head.

 

“You will birth a son, a son who will save the world, but at great sacrifice to himself – the ultimate sacrifice.”

 

Mary stared at him. She had no idea what he was talking about. He must be one of those ‘special’ people the elders had told her about. People who heard voices and saw things that weren’t there.

 

“In three years hence, the Holy Spirit will visit you in the night. You will then become pregnant with God’s child and be the Mother of God,” Gabriel intoned.

 

This guy is really off his rocker, Mary thought.

 

“All will be revealed to you in time,” he promised.

 

Then poof. He was gone.

 

Mary blinked her eyes and shook her head. Trying to convince herself it had been a nightmare, she curled up in a little ball and went back to sleep.

 

***** Three years later *****

 

“Whore!”

 

Mary cringed as the crowd through another rock at her.

 

“You are not fit to bear the child you carry,” a hateful woman scolded, rock in hand.

 

“No man will want you now,” an older woman jeered.

 

“Wait!” Joseph’s familiar voice sounded like heaven to her ears. “That is my wife of which you speak and she is carrying my child.”

 

Murmurs ran through the crowd. “When did you marry her?” “She’s a whore!” “She’s a disgrace.”

 

“Enough!” Joseph cried, raising his staff above his head. “I’ve been tending to my flock these last few months and this is what I return to find? My wife battered and bruised?” He looked around the crowd, anger and accusation evident on his face.

 

“Come, Mary!” he said and pulled her to safety into the small space he called home when he wasn’t in the fields tending sheep.

 

Sobbing, Mary clung to Joseph until she knew they were safely inside. Then he pushed her away.

 

“What is this?” he gestured at her obviously full belly.

 

Mary sobbed, “I’m pregnant!”

 

Joseph scowled, “Well, I can see that for myself. By whom?”

 

Mary shook her head.

 

“By whom?” Joseph loomed over her.

 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” she whispered.

 

“Try,” he said.

 

So she started at the beginning – with the visit from the angel Gabriel – and ended with the night 4 months back that the Holy Spirit visited her. She had hoped that too was just a nightmare, but her growing belly proved otherwise.

 

When she was done, she raised her head. “Go ahead,” she said, holding out a stone she managed to catch before it hit her. “Cast a stone.”

 

Joseph snorted. “Not I,” he said. “Not I.”

 

Mary tilted her head at him in question.

 

“Everyone thinks we’re married. I suppose we should actually make that happen,” Joseph sighed.

 

“Why?” Mary asked. “Why would you do that?”

 

Joseph looked at her, and then looked away. “Because I had the same dreams.”

 

“You…?” Mary asked, confused.

 

“Yes,” he said. “I too was visited by Gabriel and told you would be my wife though you would be pregnant with another man’s child. He visited me a few nights ago and told me to abandon my flock. That if I didn’t come home to save you, you would die.” He threw up his hands. “What else was I supposed to do?”

 

Mary tore at the fabric on her thinning smock. “You don’t have to, Joseph. You don’t know what they’ve … the things they’ve said to me … done…” Mary stopped on a sob.

 

Joseph wrapped his arms around her. “Yes, I do, Mare; yes, I do.”

 

*** 5 months later ***

 

“Joseph, please, I can’t go on. This is too much,” Mary screamed in pain again.

 

Joseph looked back at her. He had no idea where to go, what to do. The King had ordered all baby boys killed at birth and they had been on the run for months as the soldiers had taken to slaughtering all babies and some women to get at them. No woman or infant was safe. But it was getting harder to disguise Mary’s bulging belly, and her water had broken a few hours back. Even he knew that meant the end – or the beginning, whichever way you looked at it – was near.

 

In the distance, he spotted an old barn. “Just a little farther,” he promised her.

 

***

“He’s beautiful,” Mary sighed, exhausted from her labor and all the walking they’d been doing lately.

 

“He looks just like you,” Joseph commented.

 

Mary looked at Joseph. She wondered if at the same time he was thinking of how little his “son” looked like him.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For keeping us safe.”

 

Joseph nodded. “I’ll just be outside.”

 

*** 12 years later ***

 

“Mom, did you see how they were listening to me?” Mary’s son Jesus inquired.

 

She smiled, “Yes, darling.”

 

“And did you see how I turned that water into wine?” he reminded her.

 

“Yes, dear.” She didn’t add that it was only at her suggestion that he performed this miracle.

 

“And did you see…”

 

Mary tuned him out as she moved to answer the knock at the door.

 

“Oh, Mary,” Ruth entered without asking. “I just don’t know what to do and I thought to myself, that Mary, she’ll know.”

 

Ever since Jesus had started delivering God’s message, the calls from friends and neighbors had increased. It’s as though being the Mother of God – or of the Prophet as everyone called him – suddenly made her know the answer to every problem anyone ever had. It was no use trying to explain that she hadn’t signed up for this and was the same Mary she’d always been. No, things were different now – vastly different. Gabriel hadn’t warned her about this part. Of course, she likely wouldn’t have listened anyway. She’d grown up quite a bit –she had to – since Gabriel’s first visit with her.

 

So Mary resigned herself to her fate as the village “wise woman” for lack of a better word. While Jesus prophesized, Mary was called on to heal, to cure, to bless babies and newlyweds, to arbitrate disputes, to ‘talk reason’ to women who prostituted themselves, to make sure her son remembered to actually feed the hundreds of people who came to see him. It was always something. Not to mention the fact that she still had to raise Jesus’ younger brother and try to give him as ‘normal’ a childhood as possible.

 

For her part, she’d done the best she could. But being Mother of God wasn’t easy, by any means. He was still a boy, after all.

 

And she knew the end was near – far nearer than she or Joseph liked. Not that Joseph was around that much anymore. She knew it was difficult for him to raise another man’s son, a son who looked nothing like him, and a son they had both been warned in Jesus’ early years would die a horrible, painful death in spite of – or perhaps worse, because of – his gifts.

 

*** 20 years later ***

 

Mary was tired. It was growing late and, as always, she waited for her son to come home. She grew more anxious with each passing year. Gabriel hadn’t told her exactly when they would come for her boy, but she knew it would be soon.

 

Poor Joseph had passed the year before. An otherwise healthy man, Mary suspected it was the constant worry that finally took him as well.

 

She was alone. With a son that needed more looking after than his father ever had and an ever-growing community of people seeking her out for this and that, the years had taken their toll. Her hands were arthritic, painful, and the salve only helped so much. So she sat by the fire, heat tended to help her aching bones, and waited for her son.

 

But tonight, he did not come home.

 

Instead, in the wee hours of morning, Elizabeth, her best friend and mother to one of Jesus’ best friends – and one of the few who knew the truth – knocked once on her door and opened it without waiting for Mary to answer.

 

“The time has come,” Elizabeth said as she rushed over to Mary. “It has happened.”

 

***

No mother should have to suffer watching her son die. No mother should be betrayed by the very people who claimed to be friends and sought her advice. Yet, here she was. Half feared, half pitied, Mary waited now for the end to take her.

 

“Gabriel,” she pleaded each night. “I’ve done what you asked. They have taken my son from me. I have nothing left to give.”

 

One day, he answered her pray.

 

******

Mary was mourned; she never knew how beloved she was in her own time and she certainly never dreamed how beloved she’d become over the thousands of years since her death. She stands in amazement of what a great prophet her son still is to this day, and what a difference she has made in the lives of so many.

 

But here’s the reality. Life wasn’t easy for Mary – ever. It was simply life. She took it in her own way. Not because she was passive, but because she felt she had no other choice. Gabriel forewarned of her great sacrifice. At the time, she thought he was referring to the death of her son. In reality, he meant the sacrifice of herself. When Gabriel first visited her at the age of 8, Mary ceased being Mary. In becoming the Mother of God, Mary gave up her own life for that of her son. That is the ultimate sacrifice.

 

So what is the Madonna Complex? To me, the Madonna Complex represents the life of Mary, Mother of God, rather than Mary, the person. In becoming the Mother of God, Mary became Mother to all of us. Everyone, no matter their age, was her child. She looked after all who sought her out – and even those who didn’t. It was her responsibility, you see, to be everyone to everything. It’s a role she wore well and with grace. Yet, few knew how hard it was on her. Only those close to her saw – even before she did – the toll being Mother to All was taking. Although we are told that giving is the greatest gift you can give, when taken to the extreme giving is just that – giving. And when you have given all you have, then you have nothing left. You are but a barren, shell of yourself. Poor Mary learned this lesson the hard way. While she never purposely allowed herself to be taken advantage of, she gave everything she had – until there was nothing left. The birth of her son, Jesus, was a miracle; but an even greater miracle was that the angels finally heard her prayers and let her take her last breath as their gift to her. Mary doesn’t have to give – at her own expense – anymore.

 

Yet, that’s what a Madonna does. She gives and gives and gives. At first, she might hope that those she gives to will reciprocate, or at least show some appreciation. But over time she realizes that is not to be so. People will take as much as you let them – even if they see you are suffering because of it. Such is the nature of man. At some level Mary knew this; yet, she also believed in the goodness of mankind and always held hope that Gabriel would be wrong – that man wouldn’t kill her son.

 

It became harder for her to give after Jesus was nailed to the cross. You see, she had given so much of herself because she hoped it would make his life easier, that he wouldn’t suffer quite so much. To some extent, her do-ing and endless giving helped. It certainly made Jesus the man he was. Yet, at the same time, it was never enough. Mary couldn’t change Jesus’ fate. That was never her gift to give. As she grew older, I think she realized this.

 

Yet, the picture painted of her in Modern times is that of the Madonna, Mother of God, nurturer, gift-giver. We are led to believe that Mary had no doubts, never got angry, never thought, “Why me?”, never wondered when this was all going to end. Yet, Mary was human. She was the Divine Feminine incarnated in a human’s body – just as each of us are. We are all Divine; yet we are all human. And no one is meant to sacrifice themselves for the good of all – not really. Mary, Mother of God, and Jesus, Son of God were who they were – gifts to the world, the Divine incarnate, but they were also human. Not every day was glorious, not everyone listened to their words of wisdom, and even they experienced self-doubt that they were really hearing and delivering the right message anyway.

 

Mary never meant for us women to be Madonnas. That was her – unwitting – sacrifice. She thought it would end with her, just as she thought the killing of prophets, men of God, would end with her son. Yet, culture dictates that a Madonna is exactly what we should be – Superwoman, People Pleaser, Giver, Nurturer – even at our own expense.

 

What would happen if we stopped? I promise you that the world would still go round. The Universe wouldn’t stop spinning. And maybe, just maybe, we’d be a whole lot healthier for it.

Saying Yes When You Mean No

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 6 Comments

The corner of a street signIn a fabulous session with my fellow Everyday Goddess, Lisa Marie Rosati, I made a promise to myself. When faced with a situation where I was asked to do something – no matter how small – if I didn’t get an immediate full body yes, I would stop and ask myself, “Do I really want to do this?” I gave myself permission to think on things I am asked to do (you can always say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you”) and I gave myself permission to say no.

 

Then I ran into a bit of a snag…

 

I realized last Monday evening that my problem isn't saying no when people ask me to do something for them, it's taking on their stuff without them even asking. Between 5 and 8:30 pm last night, I had unwittingly volunteered to drive 30 min out of my way every Monday to take one of my instructors to belly dance class, had smoke blown in my face because I didn't want to offend my other instructor who asked to speak to me after class on her smoke break, and served as therapist to 4 of my classmates.

 

By the time I went to bed that night, I had the start of what turned into a full-blown head cold by Tuesday morning. Yes, Universe, dully noted that I did not speak my truth or abide by the promise I made to myself to stop taking on everyone else's stuff.

 

I do this all the time – volunteer to help everyone else at expense to myself without even realizing I'm doing it until after it happens. Then I pay for it…

 

So how should I handle this? I asked this question of my friend and chiropractor, who is also an intuitive. “Put yourself on a pedestal,” she said. You need to value yourself above others right now.

 

This is big. Huge. Like most women, I was taught to always put myself last and everyone else first – part Superwoman, part people-pleaser, part I-don’t-know-what. So the very notion of putting myself not just on an equal plane with others, but on a pedestal is daunting.

 

But I also just made a promise to fully embrace self-care this holiday season so I can heal my adrenal fatigue.

 

I decided to do two things to remind myself that I am supposed to be my #1 right now, pedestal and all. First, I started drawing a heart on my palm again as it reminds me to take care of me. Second, I started Lisa Marie Rosati’s mirror exercise. It’s simple yet difficult. Twice a day, you say your affirmations to yourself while looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Half the time I want to avert my gaze, but I am staying with it. I know that after 21 days, this will become a habit and will be much easier. In case you decide to try this out yourself, here are the affirmations I am using:

 

I love, honor, respect and trust the woman I see in the mirror and I set boundaries in my life to respect and honor her.

I never break a promise to myself – not a big one and not a small one.

I trust my own intuitive insights and I trust myself to deal with each new development with love for myself.

I am congruent with my truth and proud of it!

My soul is stronger than any struggle that is thrown my way.

I am unstoppable and limitless.

I honor my Inner Goddess and divine feminine nature.

I put my mental and physical well-being at the top of the list.

I choose to make positive, healthy choices for myself.

I am in total control of my life, my thoughts, and my health.

All my relationships are harmonious and loving.

I am sacred. My body is sacred, my feelings are sacred, my mind is sacred, my spirit is sacred. I am sacred.

I then end my morning practice with the following question:

 

What do I need to do for me today?

And then I do it – if not right then, then I make sure to schedule time for it later that day.

What are you doing to take care of yourself this holiday season? How are you going to say No? I’d love to hear your tips and practices below.