Monthly Archives: September 2015

Breaking Out of the Box

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I spent a glorious weekend in Salk Lake City, UT with two of my belly dance sisters attending a workshop. On the second day of the workshop, the instructor asked us what we wanted to work on. One of the participants said she was struggling with getting outside her ‘dance box’ of using only certain techniques and theories.

 

– not just in dance, but in life. I live in a world of boundaries, limitations, and restrictions, many of them self-imposed. For example, I have a big boundary walling off my heart from getting hurt. I think that if I don’t let people in, they can’t hurt me. But the thing about boundaries is that they are not porous – that is, my boundary isn’t just keeping me ‘safe’, it’s preventing me from having the kind of romantic relationship and friendships I truly desire.

 

Yet paradoxically, I also live in a world where too often I don’t set boundaries where I should. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and let people walk all over me in my interpersonal relationships. I was talking to a client who struggles with those same issues earlier today.

 

I think, for me, regardless of whether you have too many boundaries, or too few, it, once again, comes back to self-love and self-worth. We let other people set boundaries for us so as not to [insert appropriate reason: disturb the status quo, make anyone mad, upset our friends and family]. Or we set them for ourselves (aka my ‘heart wall’) in some effort to protect ourselves from being hurt. At the same time,

. We’re afraid to tell them no, to use our voice, to ask for what we want. Then we wonder why we aren’t getting our needs met. I have been guilty of that one far too often.

 

On my journey of transformation, I have learned many lessons: how to love my body and myself, how to accept my perfect imperfections, how to be my own best friend, and lately, how to receive and allow others to help me. Over this next month, I want to work on setting boundaries – it might be taking some boundaries down (e.g., opening my heart up to love again) or putting some in place (e.g., not letting your sister walk all over you). I think many of us struggle with boundary issues. Know that if you do, you are not alone.

 

To help us get through our struggles, once again, I am creating a Facebook group, much like I did with the Month of Receptivity. Join us and learn how to set boundaries that are healthy for you and assure you are getting your needs met!

 

 

Featured GODDESS: Nike

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Cute blondie as an angelNike

Goddess of Victory

“Nothing stands in the way of what you desire except for you. Get out of your own way and watch the future unfold.”

 

 

Traits Nike Embodies:

  • Victory
  • Achievement
  • Courage
  • Strength
  • Decisiveness

 

How to call on Nike:

Winged Goddess of Victory, Nike was the Goddess ancient Greeks and Romans prayed to before entering battle. She was also known for her lovely voice and dancing and would occasionally favor a wedding party with her songs and wicked dance moves! You can call upon Nike when you need a little courage and strength to face your “battles.” Know that she will be there for you and has your back.

 

Prayer to Nike:

Nike, Goddess of Victory,

Hear my Prayer!

I need courage to face [explain situation].

Please help me find the strength and courage I need to prove victorious in this battle,

For the greatest good of all parties involved.

In this I pray, thank you, Nike!

 

 

Tribute to Nike:

The best way to honor Nike is to thank her after you have faced your battle with both song and dance in her honor.

 

 

It’s Time to Call Back Your Power

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bright closeup picture of magic twinkles on female hands

Goddesses, it is time to call back our power.

I was talking to a client of mine yesterday. We were doing inner mean girl/self-love healing affirmation work. I asked her if she was standing in her power. She said, “No, I don't know that I have any power.”

Oh my sweet Goddess, you have all the power, so much more than you know. You've just been giving it away to everyone else in an effort to [fill in the blank: please them, not shine too brightly, not appear too boastful, not draw too much attention to yourself, make sure you don't offend anyone …]

It is time to call back your power.

 

A Goddess is a power-full woman.

 

A Queen is a power-full woman.

 

Remember this line from our Queen's Code: A Queen does not give away her power, nor does she take power away from others. A Queen acts from a place of empowerment – empowering herself and others.

 

Last week we asked the question: What would it take for you to be Queen of Your Own Life? As I was reflecting upon my answers, I decided it was time to make a commitment to myself, a manifesto if you will. This manifesto is more than just a code or creed to me; it's a reminder of what Queens do and do not do.  If it serves you, I encourage you to use it as a model to write your own.

 

The Queen's Manifesto:

My body is a sacred vessel of the Divine, and within it lies my power. I am a container for all that is creative, nurturing, and sensual. I pulsate with radiant life force energy.

 

As Queen and Goddess of My Own Life,

I do not need or seek your approval, for all the acknowledgement I need lies within me.

 

I am confident, in myself and my life's work. I feel safe and secure, knowing full well that as a power-full woman I can take care of myself. Universe will provide for all of my wants and needs. All I have to do is ask for what I want and then let go, trusting I will get what I need in due time.

 

I am a Divine Creatrix, balanced in both masculine and feminine sides of myself. I am one with all, yet wholly and completely myself. I use my powers to bring joy and love upon those I allow into my life. I give my love freely with no expectation or conditions, to those worthy of receiving it, and I share my gifts, my light with the world.

 

This is the premise upon which I live my life, as Queen, Goddess, and Divine Priestess of my Life. I am sacred. I am holy. I am me.

 

What Would It Take for You to Be Queen of Your Own Life?

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queen2After pondering my Queen’s Code last week, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Jaki Sabourin for an upcoming telesummit. On the call she asked me,

That’s a good question.

I think the answer may differ slightly for every woman, but I think there are a few key traits/qualities that will surface for most women. Things like: accepting and loving yourself for who you are, not settling for less than you deserve, and asking for what you want and then being open to receive it.

I think it serves us to get crystal clear on our answer to both “What is a Queen?” and “How do I become one?”  I suggested four questions that might serve you in last week’s ezine. I elaborate on them here and give you my answers as well as my “bare minimums.”

Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Who do I want to be? (Notice that I phrased all of this in the present): For me the answer is a fun, free, dedicated, mindful, happy, sexy, sensual, sovereign, self-sufficient Goddess Warrior Queen who knows and asks for what she wants. I am fair and honest, take exquisite care of myself, am a good listener, as well as a good speaker. I am a woman who gets her needs met, power-full, yet also a woman who gives freely of herself (to those who deserve my gifts). I am collaborative rather than competitive. I set boundaries in my life so I can give more of myself and live full up. I am a good partner to my King. I am intuitive and trust my intuition. I am joy-full. I accept and love myself completely. I live a balanced life. I am confident, BodyLoving, and ask for help when I need it.
  • What do I need to be that woman? I need to eat well and make sure I stay well-nourished, get adequate sleep, and rest and “me” time. I also need to move my body every day, be it hiking, yoga, weight lifting, running, or belly dance. I meditate to keep me calm and centered. I need to feel supported, safe, protected, valued, and cherished.
  • When do I feel this way naturally? I feel good and am more in my Queenhood when my needs are met.
  • When can’t I be who I want to be? When I haven’t gotten enough sleep or enough to eat.

So it all boils down to getting my needs met. I decided to make a list of my “bare minimums;” things I know I need on a regular basis that help me be the woman I want to be.

For me these are:

  • Eating nourishing meals 5-6 times per day
  • 8-9 hours of sleep each night
  • Daily outdoor time
  • Daily yoga
  • Meditate twice daily
  • One hour of down time each evening before bed
  • Go to the gym 4-5 times per week
  • Belly dance 4-5 times per week
  • Do whatever it takes to feel supported, safe, valued, protected and cherished
  • Unplug by 6pm each night
  • Daily connection with my girlfriends

What Does It Mean to Be Queen of Your Own Life?

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queenI had a conversation with one of the women in 30 Days to BodyLove the other day and she remarked that she would love to be able love herself with  an unwavering confidence and belief in herself. I told her that you can love yourself like that. You just need to take over as Queen of your own life because You get to decide your own worth!

Her reply was, “When does the course start?”

That's when I realized something: so many of us struggle to be Queen of our own lives. It's not something we've ever been taught how to do. We know how to give and care for others, that got covered somewhere in our curriculum of life. But no one ever taught us how to be ourselves – or that it was okay to be ourselves – and do our own thing without having to seek approval from others.

So, yes, I do need to offer a course in How to Be Queen of Your Own Life – and it's coming. But, I think for now we need to define what that actually means.

I spent part of my Saturday on a mini-retreat. I went up in the mountains and ran in the snow. My goal: to leave that part of myself behind that still operated on ‘Princess' mode – the part that was still waiting for someone to save her from herself and fix all of her problems. You see, to be a Queen, a sovereign of your own life, you have to take responsibility for all parts of your life. So I went up as high as I could go, nearly froze my butt off and spoke my words of release; I felt so much freer for having done so.

When I got down off that mountain, I got out my journal and I started pondering what being a Queen meant to me. It's a work in progress, but this is what I came up with. Feel free to use this as a base for your own list or scratch it and start one of your own.

Goddess Dr. Mary's Queen's Code:

 

A Queen listens to understand, not to be right. She also allows the other party time to speak their mind, without interrupting.

 

A Queen never castrates a man, or another woman. She never tries to deprive someone of strength, power, or efficiency; she never seeks to weaken someone else for her own gain.

 

A Queen feels safe and secure in herself, and knows that she can look after herself; on all aspects of her being – financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

 

 

A Queen apologize for her mistakes sincerely and then leaves it alone.

 

A Queen allows her King to ‘win' her favor. She asks him to help her and provide for her, thanks him, and shows her appreciation. She allows herself to be helped and provided for. 

 

A Queen realizes she doesn't have to do it all alone; that she has strengths and weaknesses and devotes her time and energy to those things that matter most to her, allowing others to help her with things she'd rather not spend time and energy on. She appreciates the strengths and gifts of others as she does her own.

 

A Queen keeps all of her energy tanks full, especially her sexual energy tank, at all times so that she can be of service to others. A Queen allows her King to help her keep her tanks running on all cylinders. 

 

A Queen is comfortable be-ing her true self with those she resonates with.

 

A Queen never competes, she collaborates.

 

A Queen knows what's best for her and sets boundaries accordingly, especially when it comes to intimacy.

 

A Queen is in partnership with her King and knows how to effectively ‘make deals' so both parties get their needs met with the least amount of loss on both sides

 

A Queen accepts accountability consciously as to not wear herself out. 

 

A Queen allows her King to be her Hero.

 

A Queen trusts her intuition.

 

A Queen celebrates her accomplishments so she can keep moving forward.

 

A Queen does what brings her joy.

 

A Queen surrounds herself with those who truly see her

 

A Queen surrenders to existence, to every single experience being shown to her in her reality.

 

A Queen accept herself exactly as she is right now.

 

A Queen relishes in her body, and taps into her body's wisdom. She lets her body speak to her.

 

A Queen recognizes the need for both Masculine and Feminine, not putting one above the other.

 

I claim the freedom from having to do everything myself. I need help and I am able to ask for it. I claim the ability to be supported, to receive. I claim the Queen’s Code.

 

If you're ready to be a Queen, I have started a monthly challenge on FaceBook. This month we are working on learning to receive. Join us!