Monthly Archives: November 2015

The Pleasure Principle: Self-Care for the Everyday Goddess

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self-careI have a question for you. Do you allow yourself to relax, have fun, experience pleasure on a daily basis? I hope the answer is yes, but for far too many women, myself included until I was 40, the answer is a resounding no.

I was talking to a client of mine the other day about this. I asked her what she did for fun. She
replied, “Nothing. If I try to relax or take time off, I feel like I am being lazy. There’s stuff I should
be getting done.” That, my friends, is a second chakra issue. We were never meant to be all
work and no play! We were never meant to work ourselves into the grave; and yet, we do.

I like to call this Superwoman Syndrome.

So we give and give until there is nothing left – not for us, not for our loved ones. And then, if you’re like me, you get really sick and are forced to take a break.

In 2000, I nearly died of pneumonia. I was in my first year as a faculty member, trying to prove my worth by working 12-13 hour days. My marriage was suffering because of this, so my solution was to keep pushing myself in a failed attempt to please everyone. And then one day, I got the stomach flu. Or so I thought… For 4 days, I grew increasingly weaker unable to keep anything more than water down. And then I started having trouble with basic functions: breathing, walking, controlling my bladder. My then-husband took me to the doctor. I was given a choice: ambulance or no ambulance. Either way I was headed to the Emergency Room.

7 days later, I was discharged with an at home oxygen treatment machine that I would use daily for a month’s time. My doctor later told me that had my husband not brought me in that day, I would have been dead in 4 hours. All of those symptoms I was having? Trouble breathing, walking, controlling my bladder? Those were signs of organ failure. All from a little case of pneumonia…

I can go back and do the coulda, shoulda, woulda thing and blame myself for not taking better care of myself, but the truth is: I didn’t get it. Not then. You’d think a near death experience would have snapped me out of my overgiving/overdoing ways. Nope. It would take another decade before I got it.

At all. I had stopped putting myself on my to-do list in favor of taking care of everything and everyone else. And it nearly cost me my life.

I tell you this not to scare you, not so you might feel sorry for me. I certainly don’t. But for you to understand my truth: I am here today – healthy and happy – because I learned that I had to take care of myself. More than that, I learned that I was important enough to deserve self-care. And I’m not talking about an occasional indulgence or splurge. I am talking about a daily decision to put myself and my needs first.

I know it sounds scary; it might even sound selfish. It’s not. It’s taking care of you so that you can be of more service to others. How do you think my then-husband would have felt had I died that day? Do you think that would have made him happy? No. He wanted me to live and he wanted me to make choices that supported my health and happiness so that we could have had another chance to get it right.

I’m not asking for you to drop everything and change your life. I’m asking for 5 minutes, 10 at the most. I’m asking you to do something today that makes you joy-full. Because you need it. Because you deserve it. Because you, yes you, are so worth it.

To learn more about healing your second (sacral) chakra and taking time for you, watch today’s featured video.

For more on healing your chakras, check out my Activate Your Inner Goddess: Reconnect with Your Intuition ecourse.

The Power of Healing Your Chakras: Root Chakra

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heart wide open
As I was prepping for last week’s Intuition call series, I was asked by a listener to explain whether a blocked chakra could affect her ability to connect with her Inner Goddess. My answer? Absolutely.

After my divorce in Fall of 2013, I got a Divine download that I needed to heal my root and sacral chakras. This made perfect sense to me. Our root chakra, located at the base of spine (tailbone) is our foundation and feeling of being grounded and centered. Having just gotten a divorce, given my house to my ex, and moved into a new one – with half of my furniture – I literally felt as though the floor had fallen out from underneath my feet.

The second, or sacral, chakra is our passion center – our creativity, sensuality, and sexuality stem from here. Coming off of the heels of three failed in vitro treatments and a divorce, my libido didn’t exist, I had no zest for life. As I pretty much lived in my PJs for several months following my divorce, I certainly didn’t feel sensual or sexual. I knew I had some work to do here as well.

And so I did.

I’ve written about my healing process that Fall on the blog before (starting with this post), but I feel called to dive a little deeper this time around. As I just launched my Activate Your Inner Goddess: Reconnect with Your Intuition program, I think it’s a perfect time to reconnect with our energy system. The holiday season, with all is merriment and joy, can sometimes be draining. Now is the perfect time to go within and really connect.

So I ask you to do two things for yourself this week:

In today’s video, I talk a little bit more about the first (root) chakra and how you can work on healing any imbalances you may have there.

I’d love it if you’d share your self-care tips with us below.

7 Steps to Reconnect with Your Intuition

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inner voice of wisdom

You know the one. The one that calls us on our issues, whispers our true desires in our ears, and criticizes everything we do. Wait what?

That's the exact conversation I had with a client the other day. She thought that voice that constantly belittles and criticizes her was her intuition. Let me tell you: it's not. I know because I used to think this way too.

Up until a few years ago, I had lost touch with my inner voice of wisdom. My inner critic, on the other hand, was alive and well… She came out to “play” all the time. Every decision I made was the wrong one; if something – anything – went wrong it was my fault; every thought I had was self-critical. Then one day I had an experience that changed my life. In a guided meditation, I was able to connect with my real inner voice of wisdom – not the critical one, but that one that knows me and what's best for me. And I never turned back.

So how did I do this? I'd love to tell you it was easy; it wasn't – not always – because my inner critic had a firm hold on me by this point in my life. I'd love to tell you that my inner critic never rears her ugly head – she still does sometimes. Not often, but occasionally. What I want to share with you today is my journey – the steps I took to activate my inner goddess and reconnect with my intuition.

  • Step 1: Be v. Do – the first thing I had to do when learning to reconnect with my intuition was to slow down long enough to hear her words; she whispered so softly at first that I could barely hear her. I had to be actively listening and quiet my mind for her to be able to get through.
  • Step 2: Put on Your Oxygen Mask – you know how when you travel on an airplane, the flight attendants give the safety spiel before you take off? Part of that talk says something like, “in the event of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop down from the ceiling. Please secure your own mask before helping those around you.” That's what you must do to reconnect with your intuition – you have to put on your oxygen mask and take care of you. Why? 1) No one else will, and 2) if you don't have any oxygen (i.e., food, self-care, sleep, time for you), you won't be able to be of service to others.
  • Step 3: Walk in Your Power – you have to actually practice this. You can talk about wishing you could activate your inner goddess and reconnect with your intuition until you're blue in the face, but if you don't actually take the steps, nothing will change. Yes: you have to do more than just talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk.
  • Step 4: Learn to Let Go – When you first start to reconnect it may seem like life is happening in such a way that you can no longer control it. Want to know a little secret? You never could. We can't control other people; we can't control what happens for us; all we can control is how we react. I learned a valuable lesson a few years ago: sometimes you have to let go. Let what is going to happen happen and trust that everything will work out just as it should. Because it will.
  • Step 5: Learn to Trust Yourself Again – When your inner critic has been running the show for decades, it's easy to not trust that little voice of wisdom when it first crops up. After all, your inner critic is probably right there with you criticizing your intuition. So you have to begin to trust that little voice. How? This goes back to the conversation I had with my client the other day. How do you know if it's your intuition rather than your inner critic? 1) if it's mean or makes you feel icky, it's your inner critic; 2) if it makes you feel contracted, and like you want to curl up in a ball, it's your inner critic. Your intuition should feel good – free, expansive.
  • Step 6: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone – this is the scary part. Comfort zones are familiar; even if you're not happy, you know what to expect. But to truly activate your inner goddess and reconnect with your intuition, you must start to do things differently. I mean if what you'd been doing all this time was working for you, you wouldn't be ready this blog post, would you? So what I want you to do is dream a little. What do you want your life to look like? What's one step you can take today to make that happen?
  • Step 7:  Find Your Voice – as you start to dream, you may realize that to achieve your goals, you may need to (gasp!) change some things in your life. This may include getting out of some of your current obligations and learning to say no. I know, I know; easier said than done. But this is one of those things where practice really does make perfect. Write out how you want this conversation to go; rehearse it in your head. Then go have said conversation. It may not go perfectly, but I can guarantee it will go better than it would have if you hadn't tried.


If you'd like more information on these steps, I hope you’ll check out my ecourse: Reconnecting with Your Intuition. to learn more about activating your inner goddess and reconnecting with that inner voice of wisdom – the real one, not your inner critic.


6 Keys to Awakening Your Inner Goddess

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6 keys

In April of 2013, I had a realization that I was living the wrong life. In the months that followed, I would lose my marriage, move to a new house, break my heel for the second time in a year, and sometimes question my own sanity. Yet, in the end, it boiled down to this: I spent so many years doing what I thought I needed to do to “make it” that I lost touch with the very things that made my soul sing. That day in April of 2013 I made a decision: It was time to stop living somebody else’s life.

Although from the outside looking in it seemed as if I was living the ideal life, in actuality I was living an illusion. So I had to dig deep and figure out who I was and what I wanted. I had to reconnect with my Inner Goddess.

How did I do it? By abiding by these 6 keys:

  • Acknowledge What Brought You to This Point in Your Life – you didn’t get to where you in life by happenstance. So I’m asking you to reflect on where you are right now and what got you to this point.
  • Accept Yourself for Who You Are – When I first meet with clients, they want me to “fix” all their emotional or physical problems – preferably in one session. The first thing to know is that even when you feel bad there is nothing to fix. “Fixing” something implies that there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. Now that doesn’t mean that there is no healing that needs to occur. There is. But healing is different than fixing. Healing is about consciously reconnecting with the Divine and yourself, listening to your body’s wisdom, and allowing your connection with your intuition to shine through.
  • Cultivate a Relationship with Your Intuition – When I first started reconnecting with my intuition, I was very conscious about the whole process. I chose to do things every day that will allow me to connect with my inner guidance system, like yoga, meditation, or getting a massage. I call them “Goddess Breaks” and they have become a cherished part of my day.
  • Exercise Your Power – Change doesn’t happen overnight for most people. So when I find myself backsliding, I cut myself some slack and let that serve as another wake-up call to check in with my intuition. Over time, you’ll find your intuition coming to the forefront more often. In turn, you’ll find yourself more at peace and content being who you are living the life you were meant to live.
  • Re-write Your Personal Story – First, get out of victim mode and into empowerment mode. Second, figure out what you want your “story” to be. Who do you want to be moving forward? How do you want to act? You may need to learn a new skill and learn to see your struggles and challenges as a blessing, not a curse so you can feel empowered, rather than sorry for yourself
  • New Goddess on the Block: YOU! – You are a Goddess; never forget that. Your intuition is your connection to Her. Take your time with this process and don’t expect change overnight. Keep acknowledging what brought you to this point in your life and please, please get support when you need it.

If that seems easier said than done, I hope you’ll join me for my free call series: Reconnecting with Your Intuition. Your intuition will never lead you astray. It may tell you to do something unpopular; you might not always like what it has to say, but believe me when I tell you that it has your best interests at heart.


Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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“We mirror each other. We do it physically and psychologically. Someone gets pissy with you; you find your reaction typically is to return the “favor.”” – Lulu Salvegsen

How often do you find yourself mirroring someone’s feelings, actions, and beliefs? As an empath, it’s easy for me to pick up on other people’s emotions – good or bad. And when I talk to one of my relatives who lives in the South, you can bet my Texas twang comes out for a while.

What I really want to explore today is what happens when other people trigger us – usually a negative emotion. And we end up hurt, angry, frustrated, sad, or confused. It’s those times – when others trigger us – that we can actually learn the most about ourselves.

Let me give you an example. It was January of 2014. I had just turned 40, broken my heel for the second time in a year, gotten a divorce and moved into a new home when a friend of mine confronted me about my dirty little secret.

“You have an eating disorder,” he said.

“No,” I countered. “I study eating disorders; I don’t have one.” After all, by that point, I had been researching factors that cause body dissatisfaction and eating disorders in both men and women for nearly 20 years.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have one,” he observed.

Over the course of the next week, I fought with him fiercely, and denied my problems. He made me mad. How dare he accuse me of having an eating disorder? He was the one obsessed with carbs, protein and fat intake. He was the one who couldn’t go a day without going to the gym. And he thought I had a problem?

You see where I’m going there, right? In that moment, he was my mirror. I didn’t want to see it; didn’t want to admit I had a problem because it hurt – to feel vulnerable, to be called out on something I was supposed to be an expert on. I felt like a fraud. I felt broken. But he was 100% right.

A week later, I finally gave in. I booked an appointment with a therapist. As I walked in the door, she said, “So, you have an eating disorder.”

“Yes,” I admitted. “Yes, I do.”

And that is when the healing process really began.

So what or who exactly is a mirror?

Sometimes it's easy for you to see your mirrors, but often times, it's not. Recognizing my mirrors and my triggers was a skill I had to learn. And sometimes I still get triggered and realize I'm having another “mirror moment.”

How do you know if you are having a mirror moment? Are you feeling hurt, angry, frustrated, confused, or any other sort of ‘negative’ feeling? Did it come upon you almost instantaneously with no warning? One minute you were fine, then something happened and the next minute, you were sobbing hysterically or seeing red? Yeah – that. One of those awkward, uncomfortable moments.

What if you let yourself feel and explore why you were feeling what you were feeling?

These moments may lead to little ahas or huge realizations about yourself. But you have to allow them to occur. You have to be willing to dive in and explore your feelings. Are you ready?

On Grief, Release, and Letting Go

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FallWhen I was a child and I lost my step-grandfather to heart disease, my parents gave me a book called The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscalgia. It was a children’s book about death and dying and it gave me some solace to know that although I missed my grandfather, like leaves falling from the tree, we all have our purpose and we all have our time to fall.

Last week marked the 6th anniversary of my father’s death and it left me feeling very emotional, more so than I thought it would. Yet in the midst of loss, there is also a celebration of life.

With 2 months left in 2015, it is also a perfect time for reflection and goal setting for the rest of the year.

So find some quiet time to yourself, grab a pen, and your journal and ponder these questions:

What do I Want to Release?

  1. What is going on for you right now? What’s working and what’s not working – get clear on the who, what, when, why, and how of everything you are writing down.
  2. What are you resisting in your life right now? Own your resistance and get to the bottom of it.
  3. Allow yourself to grieve past hurts, losses, place where you let yourself down.
  4. Let it go. Forgive yourself. (see video below for my favorite exercise in Forgiveness)
  5. Figure out what you want and ask universe/God/Goddess for help.
  6. End in gratitude for yourself for having the courage to do this. For everything you are grateful for in your life right now.

What do I Want to Celebrate?

  1. What’s going well for you right now?
  2. What have you accomplished thus far in 2015?
  3. It’s so easy for us to focus on the negative and what we didn’t do or ‘messed up,’ so make sure you do this part of the reflection exercise! You deserve it!

  4. What lessons have you learned?
  5. How have you become a better person this year?
  6. What would you still like to accomplish in 2015?
  7. What would you like to focus on? How would you like to feel?

For more on forgiveness and letting go, check out today's video:

Let us know how it went in the comments below! If you have things you are struggling with, I invite you to schedule a complimentary Inner Goddess Wisdom session with me to see how I can help. And make sure to grab your Goddess Path to Self-Love and BodyLove 7-piece gift bundle (sign up below) as it is a perfect time for some self-care.