Monthly Archives: June 2016

It’s Time To Show Up and Be Seen

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Receive ElementsYesterday in Woman Unleashed 4, Char Tosi was talking about Warrior Energy. She had us draw a shield in 4 sections that represented: our accomplishments (top left), who we want to be (top right), what’s holding us back (bottom left), and what our strengths are (bottom right). In doing so, I experienced an “aha” moment. My shield is both my strength and my weakness.

As a child of the baby boomer generation, I think many women in my generation grew up with dual, and often conflicting, expectations: you have to be feminine enough to be desirable but masculine enough to function in corporate America; you need to feel your feelings, but don’t let them show; you need to open your heart and be vulnerable, but don’t let your guard down. Difficult to do, isn’t it?

I spent much of my 20s and 30s trying to follow these guidelines and found time and time again that they didn’t work – not at work, not in romantic relationships, not in life. They ended up being more of a recipe for failure than rules for success. Rules that left me heart sick and love hurt; feeling abandoned, betrayed; not trusting anyone – least of all myself.

But I didn’t know any better, so I kept using my shield and building up the wall around my heart. I called it self-protection – things I used to protect my heart, my Soul, myself. Yet, the higher I built up that fortress wall, the lonelier I became. The blissful silence I had once desired echoing in the rafters of my heart.

shieldThat’s why I call my shield both my strength and my weakness, and why you’ll notice I drew a mirror of my own reflection as what’s holding me back. My warrior energy has gotten me far – PhD by 25, started my own business as a coach at 37 while still holding down my full-time job, Full Professor (highest rank you can achieve in my field) by 39, over 50 peer-reviewed journal articles, numerous awards, and a handful of chapters in best-selling books. Yet, none of that made me happy. None of that made me feel successful.

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.” —Brene Brown

Yes. That’s what I was missing. As much as I had performed and accomplished, I wasn’t really showing up. No one was seeing the real me because I wouldn’t let them. Vulnerability was a weakness I was not about to put on display.

Then, when I was 39.5, I had a rude awakening where the carefully crafted façade of my life as a wife, coach, researcher, and award-winning professor started to crumble. For years it looked, on the outside, like I had it all. But on the inside, I was miserable. At 39.5 I made a decision to stop living my life by someone else’s rules. In the 6 months that followed, my life turned upside down. Many of the roles I had used to establish my identity, to define my sense of self were lost to me. I got a divorce, moved, broke my heel for the second time in a year, lost most of my friends (we had a lot of couple friends and they didn’t want to take sides) and felt adrift, truly on my own for the first time in my life.

But I knew one thing in my heart – I was doing the right thing. As hard as it was, as painful as it was, I never once questioned my decision to leave my marriage, my life as I knew it. Because for the first time in my life, I finally showed up – for myself. I learned to rely on myself. (Now, mind you, this only furthered my wall-building and shielding, but at the time it was what I needed to feel safe enough to make these changes.) Now I’ve come full circle.

It’s time: to re-examine those walls we build around our hearts, the limiting beliefs we place upon ourselves, those shields that both serve to protect us and keep us small.

It’s time to stop caring what other people think and speak your truth. It’s time to hold your shield and sword, not in front of you, but by your side – there if you need them, but not leading the way.

It’s time to trust in yourself. You got this.

And, yet, I get it. I get that you’re scared, that you don’t know if now is the right time. It is. You’re unsure of how people will react – what if you lose your support system? You won’t. And if you do, they weren’t really your support system anyway, were they? It’s time to live those adventures ahead of you. It’s time to own your worth. It’s time to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.

If you’re ready to step up, and need a little guidance and support along the way, I invite you to join the Sacred Circle – other women who are going through what you’re going through. Other women who are ready and willing to step up and do the healing they need to do; other women who are ready to be seen. This month we’re working on that first important step – trusting in yourself. Are you ready?

How Are You Holding Yourself Back?

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Young woman exhausted after running on a cold winter day in the track of an urban park.

Two eclipses, a double full moon in Sagittarius, 5 planets in retrograde. I never paid that much attention to planetary alignments before, but 2016 has been a wild ride and I wanted some sort of explanation for everything I and my clients have been experiencing so I started paying attention. Apparently all of that retrograde energy served to highlight for us all the things from our past we need to heal – all those unresolved memories of words left unsaid, actions left undone, things we did but wished we hadn’t.

It’s too easy to get caught up in all that sea of unresolved issues. I think Jo MacDonald said it best when she advised,

“When you find yourself flicking through your own memories, remember that they are all a part of the journey, they are all an opportunity for us to grow and learn, to ask ourselves ‘What am I telling myself about that experience? How can I develop a more empowering mindset around that story?' Instead of getting caught up in nostalgia we can use this experience to move forwards and keep creating a life we love. – Jo MacDonald

That’s similar to the advice I give myself and my clients all the time. I truly believe that everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly – happens for a reason. Life happens for us, not to us. It’s not our job to question why something happened. It’s our job to figure out what lesson we need to learn from it; what remains unresolved. Not so we can judge or criticize ourselves, but so we can learn from it, heal, and move on.

“There's something you believe about yourself that makes you hold back … We have these stories that we tell, these labels we apply… When we're around people, we're not being ourselves because we're being protective. But sometimes in our self-protection, we block out the very thing that we want so much. – Brendan Burchard

I’ve been on retreat mode since the Summer Solstice (Winter Solstice for those of you in the Southern Hemisphere). I’ve been journaling, painting and reflecting on what I want to leave behind and what I want to carry forward as I begin the second half of 2016.

I was listening to a session of Woman Unleashed 4 with Shiloh Sophia McCloud and Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici. In it, Shiloh was talking about a recent revelation she had – that she didn’t have to play by someone else’s rules.

“I am releasing layers of who I'm supposed to be – titles, roles. I'm untying each one of these threads one by one and resetting them. I'm giving myself permission not to do those anymore if they don't feel good for me. I'm retying those threads of my life, those things that are natural and true for me and make me thrive. I choose how I am woven.”

I pondered what she said and was reminded of the ‘aha’ moment I experienced in April in 2013 when I realized I was living someone else’s life. I too went about a long, arduous process of releasing threads that no longer served, yet tied me down. In the 6 months following that awakening experience, I would move, get a divorce, turn 40 and break my heel for the second time in year, but through it all I knew something to the depths of my core: I was making the right choice for me, the only one I could have made in that moment.

If 2016 has been a struggle for you, I give you the following advice: go where your excitement/passion/fire is.

As Shiloh Sophia said in her session, “When you are on your path, following your edge, obstacles are opportunities for growth. When you are not on your path, obstacles are a call to stop, go back, regroup.”

While you’re at it, decide what threads you want to pick up and move forward with for the remainder of 2016. Write your manifesta, your representation of how you want to live your life from this moment forward.

I stand in my truth and walk in my power. My strength lies in my purple curlicue sideways way of looking at things. I let my intuition – the wild passionate fire from the depths of my soul – guide my decisions. I choose my destiny to help women take a stand for themselves, to love honor and respect themselves as the passionate, beautiful Goddesses they are.

When Did Your Body Shame Start?

By | Body Love, Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 2 Comments
Me with my Mom and Dad a few weeks before he died

Me with my Mom and Dad a few weeks before he died

When I ask women to tell me their body image story, I often get stories of despair over weight issues, childhood teasing, or sexual or emotional abuse. My story was a little different. My body issues didn’t start until my late teens.

I was one of those lucky kids who never had to worry about weight – until my senior year in high school. As my parent’s marriage failed and my father moved out of the house, my emotional eating got the better of me and I started to pack on the pounds. My clothes got tight. People stopped telling me I could be a model. I stopped getting noticed for my naturally thin frame.

I decided I needed to do something to “get healthy.” In the midst of a divorce, my mother needed her own outlet – one that could help her own faltering self-esteem. So we joined an all-female gym together. I was hooked. All the weight I had gained my senior year started falling off. The high I got from exercising was unlike anything I’d experienced before. Lifting weights made me feel strong, capable, and confident. Cardio was just an added bonus thanks to the friendships I formed with other women in the group aerobics classes.  

And then my father noticed I was losing weight.

It wasn’t like he complimented me about it; it was more than he noticed something about me period. All the school plays I’d been in, ice skating competitions, ballet and piano recitals – he’d never noticed those, much less attended any of them. But when it came to my weight… apparently that was something worth talking about.

“How much do you weigh?” he began to ask me every time he saw me. I would tell him the number proudly. After all, I was losing weight and proud of the fact that I was getting compliments on being model-thin again.

Since the weight-loss thing seemed to be garnering his attention, I decided to take up his favorite sport – running. That gave us something else to talk about. For nearly two decades, those topics were the only meaningful conversations we had: weight and running. Occasionally, he would give me advice. “The key to running is to never stop.”

I took that to heart and used it to fuel my increasing addiction to weight loss and running.

The interesting thing about my story is that my father was both a contributing cause and a contributing cure.

When I was 35, my father was diagnosed with cancer (that's a picture of my mother, my father and I about 2 weeks before he died above). He quickly deteriorated and I made the decision to spend the summer helping my mother take care of him. I had the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of a dying man. I began to understand that all the things that I stressed over were really insignificant. Life is precious.

That summer my mindset began to shift.

(read more about my Infertility and Body Shame here). I stopped pushing myself so hard. I ate a little more than usual, put a few pounds on, and it was okay.

I’d love to be able to tell you that my father’s death was the catalyst I needed to heal my relationship with my body. But, I am a nothing if not a slow learner. Once he died, I went back to my old ways. I ran further, faster and called it a tribute to my father. I ran a half marathon with his picture pinned to my running shirt. His words of advice – about never stopping – took over my life. I didn’t stop running. I didn’t stop working. I didn’t stop pushing myself. It was like I had something to prove to him even after he died. I still hoped, like I had when I was a child, that he would finally notice me, that somehow I could please him.

5 years after he died, my mother finally allowed me to take my father’s ashes and scatter them in the Sawtooth Mountains at a place that we had agreed upon before he died – a place very special to my heart. As I sobbed on the shore of a stream after I laid my father’s ashes to rest, I realized that he never would have wanted me to live this way – with an eating disorder, in a miserable relationship, still punishing myself by over-doing, over-exercising, over-giving in some veiled attempt at trying to please my father’s ghost.

It took me a few months after I scattered his ashes to find my center again and begin the true healing process, but I finally did it. I killed out the narcissistic boyfriend who thought it was great that I kept losing weight. I started taking active measures to heal my body image issues. I started healing my relationship with food, my body, and myself.

One of my mottos is that life happens for us, not to us. I encourage you to examine your body image story today – not with the lens of a victim, but with a lens of empowerment, with an eye to what you have learned about yourself, your strength, your character from your own story of Body Shame.

If you’re unsure where to start, I invite you to sign up for a free call I am hosting on the 7 Sacred Steps to Reclaiming Body Love (yes, there will be a replay if you can’t make it live). In it, I will discuss my own healing journey and give you strategies to begin healing your own body image issues. I hope you’ll join me.

Infertility and Body Shame

By | Body Love, Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | No Comments

Love-Letter to Body_2Three months before my wedding date, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, placed in drug-induced menopause and told I would never bear children. I was 21. My soon-to-be-husband and I were devastated at this news. We hoped for a few years that my condition would improve, but after 5 surgeries in as many years and 3 rounds of drug-induced menopause, my body entered natural menopause when I was 26.

That’s when I began to hate my body. I felt that my body was a traitor, a betrayer, that it had unfairly taken my God-given right to bear children away from me. So I began to punish it – subconsciously, but punish it the same. I became the epitome of good health by exercising regularly and eating healthily. I was on a mission to prove to my doctors – and my body – that I could be ‘normal’ and ‘healthy.’ Unfortunately, my Inner Mean Girl is a perfectionist and my “health kick” soon turned into an eating disorder; my exercise routine became a minimum two-hour-a-day obsession and my list of ‘bad foods’ became so restrictive that I was barely eating enough to keep a bird alive.

Fast forward 9 years.

When I was 35, my father was diagnosed with cancer. He quickly deteriorated and I made the decision to spend the summer helping my mother take care of him. Something happened that summer that forever changed my life. After being in menopause for 9 years, I got my period. My doctors told me it was impossible, a fluke. You can’t cure yourself of menopause, they told me. 28 days later, it happened again.

That summer my mindset began to shift. As I watched my father die, my own body came back to life. And I was grateful. Having been raised to think my menstrual cycle was “The Curse,” I never dreamed I would be so happy to have it back. I began to see my menstrual cycle for the gift it is – my body’s ability to renew itself each month, my ability to create and give birth to life.

After my father died, my husband and I decided to try to have a child. After 3 rounds of in vitro fertilization, I realized that while my menstrual cycles might have come back on line, my endometriosis was still preventing pregnancy from happening. Feeling betrayed by my body once again, I gave up, gave in, and let my eating disorder take over – punishing myself and my body for my inability to bear a child once again.

Two years later, my husband and I finalized our divorce. No longer worried about not being able to bear him a child, I allowed myself to let go of the dream of having children. I stopped punishing my body. I stopped exercising obsessively and started eating foods I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in over a decade. I allowed myself and my body time to grieve – the loss of my father, my marriage, my fertility – I allowed myself time to heal.

One day I took a long, hard look in the mirror and I realized I needed to heal my relationship with food, my body, and myself. So I took a vow and I wrote a love letter to my body, letting it know all the things I was grateful for – cellulite, muffin top, wrinkles, scars, adult-onset acne and all. I made myself read that vow and that love letter to myself every day for a month. You know what happened? It started to sink in. I began to actually be grateful for things I once loathed. I began to see myself as beautiful, my body as a work of art, a sacred temple of Divine crafting.

If you don’t have a good relationship with your body, I invite you to listen to a free call I did on 7 Sacred Steps to Body Love. You can sign up for the replay here. You’ll get a copy of my vow and love letter along with the call. Then write your own vow, your own love letter. I can’t promise you that you will heal your relationship with yourself overnight, but I can promise you that if you do this daily practice for your body for at least 30 days, you will begin to see yourself in a different light. You will heal your relationship with your body and with yourself. You too will learn to love your body and the woman you see in the mirror.

 

Coming Back to Myself: Setting My Intentions

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | One Comment

waterlily and moon in starry night - magic backgroundA couple of years ago when I had adrenal fatigue, a good friend of mine gave me some sage advice: “Give yourself more breathing room than you think you need.” As soon as I healed my adrenal fatigue, I promptly forgot her words of wisdom.

As I ended my Spring and Summer semesters sick and exhausted a few weeks ago, I saw her quote I had printed out and put on my wall 2 years ago. It has become my mantra once again: Give yourself more breathing room than you think you need.

More importantly, I’ve been trying to figure out why I keep forgetting to give myself breathing room. I think it comes down to this: I, like many, at some level define my sense of self-worth by my accomplishments. To be successful, I was taught, you have to work hard, skip vacation days, and work some more. That’s how you succeed in life. There’s a fundamental flaw in that logic though: if you run yourself ragged 24-7, 365 days a year, you may accomplish things, but you will also likely burn yourself out.

I recently read a blog post by my friend and fellow Everyday Goddess Jodi Chapman about success. In it, Jodi discusses how her current definition of success has more to do with how she feels (e.g., happy, calm) and how she prioritizes her time doing things she loves (traveling, spending quality time with loved ones, etc.) than more tradition financial- or promotion-based definitions of success.

Her words inspired me to think about my own definition of success. I, too, got caught up in defining success through accolades, promotions, and financial gains. But that hasn’t made me happy. It’s left me exhausted.

When I finished my semester, my friend Paula texted me: You need to get back to you. She’s right. I do need to get back to me. Moreover, I need to figure out what I want.

As I write this, it is the Summer Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s the perfect day to really reflect on how my year is going. I plan to spend the afternoon revisiting the intentions I set for myself in January, to first determine if these goals and aspirations still even apply, and then to ascertain where I am in the process. But using Jodi’s definition of success as a new guidepost, I plan to also set some intentions for the rest of the year – not productivity goals, per se, but rather, aspirations focused on feeling and intention.

Let me explain. I was watching the opening session of Woman Unleashed Season 4 with Amber Bonnici and she said something that really resonated with me.  She asked us to set our intention for the retreat as to how we want to feel as we go on this retreat together. I think this is a wonderful idea and that we should set not just our intentions for Women Unleashed 4, but for our lives each day. 

Danielle LaPorte talks about how she sets her New Year's Resolutions. She decides how she wants to feel each year and then takes aligned actions to make sure she feels that way. Amber's statement about setting intentions reminded me of that.  

But I want to take this one step further. My intention for the rest of the summer is to practice feeling-based intention setting every day. When I wake up, I will to set an intention for the day. I will then periodically check in with myself and my intention as I go throughout my day to make sure that, as often as possible, I am acting in alignment with my intention for the day.

and periodically throughout the day asked ourselves if we were acting in alignment with that intention?  I get that not every day is a day of yours to craft 100% on your own – we have jobs, children, etc. But wouldn't it be nice if we could spend at least some time each day going back to the intentions we set for ourselves for that day? Checking in with how we want to feel and it taking action steps to make ourselves feel that way?

I think it'll be an interesting experiment for myself and for anyone who wants to join me. Are you in?

The Layers of Healing 

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | One Comment

layers“Every time I think I’ve got this codependency thing resolved, it keeps coming back up again,” one of my clients bemoaned last week. “I feel like I’m not making any progress at all.”

I reassured her that, in fact, she had come a long way. Healing is a journey, and while it may sometimes feel like you’re taking two steps forward and three steps back, progress is being made. Layers are being uncovered and healed.

When I think of healing an issue, be it body dissatisfaction, codependency, depression, self-loathing, not enoughness, etc., I think of an onion. Most issues have multiple layers – they didn’t just appear overnight. Thus, to fully heal these issues, you must uncover and heal each layer. Like an onion, with each layer you peel, you get to a smaller, but more potent layer. Eventually you get to the center, or core, of the issue. Once you heal that core, then you are free. Each layer is important and each must be addressed, but until the core issue is revealed, the problem will keep coming up. That’s just the Universe’s way of reminding you that you’ve still got more healing to do!

So how do you heal an issue that has multiple layers? It takes time, but as you uncover each layer, I promise, it will get easier.

Let me give you an example. When I was going through my divorce a few years ago, a friend of mine encouraged me to paint my emotions. At that point in my life, it has been 20 years since I picked up a paint brush. Still, the idea intrigued me. So I started painting. At first everything I painted was dark – lots of blacks and deep reds as I processed the hurt and grief. But as the weeks turned into months, my paintings became more colorful. I began to see joy in my life as I healed those layers of grief.

Maybe painting isn’t your thing. Maybe it’s writing. Singing. Dancing. It doesn’t matter. We all have issues that need to be healed. None of us get through life unscathed. It just needs to be some form of expression that allows you to process and heal.

After a two-year hiatus, I recently started painting again. The first time I painted as an adult, it was to heal, an unbecoming of who I had been, if you will. This time it’s to find my center, myself, again. Layer after layer, I lay the paint – purple of course – as I reinvent myself.

Truth be told I'm not certain what will unfold. I have no plan here, no ending point in mind. Sometimes layers and stories are like that – you never know what you'll get – or when you’re done – until you get there. But the destination doesn't matter. Right now it's all about the layers; it's all about the paint; it's all about the story as I watch it unfold…

 

It’s Time to Give Yourself Permission

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 6 Comments

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Last week a good friend of mine told me she was shutting down her online business. After seven years of pouring her heart and soul into this online venture, she feels that she's no more successful today than she was the day she started.

I completely understand and I think many of us in this online arena are feeling the crunch right now. Things have changed quite a bit in the past several years. Five years ago, the idea of being an online solopreneur was really just starting to make headway. Today there are so many coaches out there. Our numbers are growing steadily day by day and many of us are doing very similar things. At the end of the day sometimes it may feel like what we are doing as one individual coach doesn't really matter. 

I can't tell you whether an online business adventure is a good idea for you or not. That's not my purpose here. My point is this: whatever decision you're trying to make in life – be it a career change, a relationship, a move across country – it is your decision. No one can make it for you.

There is also no timeline by which you need to make this big decision. I get that there may be deadlines involved, external forces asking you to make a decision by a certain date. But here's the thing: you're ready when you're ready – no sooner, no later.

And trust my advice on this one: when it comes to making a big life decision about whether to shut down your online business, to get engaged, to have a baby, etc.: Give yourself plenty of time to make the decision – no pressure. 

And while you're at it, 

Why? Because life doesn't always happen as planned or in a timely fashion. Because you need to do what's best for you and it's hard to think under pressure. Because sometimes things just take time.

I invite you to give yourself permission not only to take the time to make your decisions, but to live the life you always wanted – Dream Big. 

My boyfriend and I were doing our grocery shopping the other day and he said something to a friend of mine we ran into that really struck me. She asked him if I was taking care of me or if I was working too much as usual. She knew I was just coming off a semester where I was working 50 to 60 hour weeks trying to get it all done and keep it all together. My boyfriend shook his head and replied, “No; she doesn't ask for permission from anybody. She just goes and does it.”

Permission. That's an interesting word, isn't it?

As June is my month of self-care, I decided maybe I did need permission, but I was going to be the one to give it. Not to anyone in particular, but to myself.

I decided to create a permission list for myself. Something I can hang up on the wall and look at every day and remind myself of what I'm doing here. So I'm sharing my permission list with you in the hopes that it inspires you to make one of your own.

I give myself permission to:

  • Be true to me always
  • Listen to, trust and follow my intuition
  • Live whole heartedly
  • Have fun
  • Soar 
  • Be me and do whatever I want to do
  • Spend money in ways that make sense to me
  • Travel 
  • Take time off to rest, recharge and recuperate
  • Fall more deeply in love with my soul's mate
  • Express myself freely and creatively in whatever ways I want to
  • Follow my heart

 

Finding Your Center When You’re Swimming in a Sea of Depression 

By | Goddess Wisdom, Wisdom Blog | 2 Comments

one girl stands at the summer sunset on the lake

With three planets in retrograde and the recent New Moon in Gemini, many of my clients are struggling; feeling lost as we wait for this interesting double Full Moon in Sagittarius cycle to complete at the end of June. 

I've had several client calls over the past week as well as conversations with women in my Sacred Circle and I keep getting the same message. I think it was perhaps summed up best by one of my private clients who told me this:

I find myself in that place: the place where I want to self-sabotage, to make things harder than they should be. The depression sets in, deeper and deeper. I cry myself to sleep at night, adrift on my sea of sadness. I allow the waves of angst and despair to wash over me. I feel overwhelmed, too numb to act, unsure of what to do. If only someone would save me from myself.

I'm not sure if Danielle Laporte has ever suffered from depression, but this quote of hers struck me as apropos to the experience so many are feeling right now:

I am a planet of love with a hair trigger drawbridge that can close without much warning. – Danielle LaPorte

I think sometimes those who suffer from depression feel that way. They are a hair trigger away from happiness, from sadness, from despair, from putting another brick into that wall around their heart that they think will protect them. I know because I've been there.

So what do you do when you're in that place? That place where it seems nothing is going right, nothing is going your way, and you're feeling overwhelmed? I'm going to tell you what I’ve been telling my clients. It’s the same thing I do when I’m in a funk.

Ask yourself every morning when you wake up: On a scale of 0 to 100, where is my energy level/my vibration right now? If it's 75 or higher, great – keep doing what you're doing. But if it's below 75, especially if it's below 50, you better figure out what you need to do to raise your vibration and that needs to be your number one priority right now.

I know, I know. You're telling yourself, “I'm too busy to do that. I'm too busy to take care myself. I'm too busy to crawl my way out of the hole of despair I've dug myself into.”

Let's get real here: how long do you want to suffer? I'm not trying to chastise you or blame or shame you. Like I said I've been through this myself. So I tell you this with a bit of tough love. Here's what I know: Depression is not going to encourage you to crawl out of that hole yourself. You have to make a conscious decision, take action to raise your energy level/ your vibration before you can even contemplate getting out of the hole.

So do yourself a favor and ask the question: Where's my energy level/ my vibration right now? It's not 75 or higher, ask the follow-up question: “What do I need to do to raise my vibration?” Allow whatever's going to bubble up to bubble up. You may be surprised; it may not be a big thing. Maybe you just need a hug or to stay in bed for five minutes longer. Maybe you need to get out your watercolors and just draw what you're feeling. Whatever it is, I encourage you to make sure it gets done today, sooner rather than later. And when you finish, ask yourself again: Where is my vibration? If it's not 75 or higher, ask again: What do I need to do to raise my vibration? 

I get that you may not have an entire day to engage in this exercise, but I promise that if you do it on a consistent basis, your numbers will steadily climb. Once you get to 75 or higher consistently, then you'll be more able to see where you are and what you need to do. You'll have the clarity and peace of mind to come not from a place of self-sabotage, but of love for yourself, for others, for the world around you.