Some Day My Prince Will Come? Um… Thanks But No Thanks.

crown or tiara isolated on a white backgroundI recently wrote an Ode to the Universe for Huffington Post that has gotten generated quite a few personal emails and FB posts. In it, I discussed the lessons the Universe taught me last year. Things like when the universe tests you and you fight it, that usually doesn't work out well for you. The reality is this: whatever lesson the universe is sending you, you need to hear it. You don’t have to want it or like it, but you’d better listen to it or you’ll keep getting that same lesson over and over again.

The Universe recently sent me another lesson, one that I didn’t ask for (or course, when do we ever ask the Universe/God/Goddess for a lesson?!), had no idea was coming, and didn’t think I needed to learn – again.

When I got divorced last Fall, it was the first time I had ever truly been on my own. I went from my father’s house to my husband’s house. Growing up a child of baby boomer parents, mine was a ‘traditional’ childhood – my Mom stayed home while my Dad took care of us financially. As I was the sole breadwinner for the last 13 years of my marriage, I knew I didn’t need a man to provide for me financially. That part was clear.

But I did still think I needed a man. For what, I’m not sure. I just knew that I suddenly became a pariah to my still-married female friends when I got divorced. They couldn’t believe I had left my husband. What would I do with myself? Wasn’t I lonely?

At some point last Fall, I decided they were right. I was lonely. So once again, I decided I needed a man. I wasn’t ‘looking’, mind you, but I was open to the possibilities. The Universe soon delivered one – right to my door step – an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while. And you know what happened? I immediately fell back into my old patterns – the same patterns I had with my ex-husband. Codependency. Enabling. Putting my needs on the back burner for him. It all happened so fast it scared me and we both decided it wasn’t going to work out. I was still too raw, too needy, and trying to start a relationship too soon after my divorce. So I asked for friends – preferably female – and I got them in droves.

Yet there was still some part of me that felt I needed a man to ‘complete’ me somehow. At the end of the day, I was still lonely.

Soon after, I went to a wedding. I met a man there – a creepy in-your-face feel-my-biceps kind of man who couldn’t believe I declined his generous offer to spend the night with him. Lesson learned: when you ask the Universe for something, you need to be a little more specific about exactly what you want.

After that experience, I decided to swear off men. Didn’t need them, didn’t want them. Two hours later, I met another man. This time I was careful. I held back, didn’t let my previous patterns control me. And just when I was starting to warm up to the idea of having a man in my life again, he vanished. Poof, into the night.

And that’s when I finally got it. At 40-years-old I was still waiting for my Prince Charming. For my fairytale. For someone to save me.

But that’s not at all what I was getting. Guys with mommy issues? Check. Guys who want to be taken care of? Check. Self-obsessed? Check. Flaky? Check. Not one ‘prince-like’ quality among the lot of them.

You know why? There is no Prince Charming. He’s a fairy tale. He doesn’t exist. (And even in the fairy tales, he’s not all that useful. He didn’t show up until after Snow White had battled the evil Queen, until after Cinderella figured out on her how to be the belle of the ball.)

Here’s what the Universe has been trying to tell me all these months when I thought I ‘needed’ a man to somehow save or complete me: You’ve got to be your own Prince Charming. There’s no one that’s going to save you except yourself. And nothing you really need to be saved from that you didn’t attract to your life – consciously or not – in the first place. Take charge of your own life. Be the Goddess you are – fierce, loyal, protective, beautiful. You are whole as is, all you need to be and more. You want your Prince? Look in the mirror. You are the Prince in this fairy tale.

No idea where to start? Make a list of all of the qualities your fairy tale prince should have. Now get out there and embody those qualities yourself (and don't forget to buy your own tiara while you're at it!)! And if you need help achieving your ‘fairy tale’ minus Prince Charming, call on one of the maiden goddess: Athena, Artemis, Persephone.

You go, Goddess!

 

6 Comments

  • Minette says:

    Mary, this was a beautiful post. I appreciated your vulnerability in sharing your story and also the assertion that we are our own Prince Charming. After 18 years of marriage with lots of peaks and valleys, I realized that I have to be happy with who I am first. My husband and I are beautiful reflections for each other – sometimes not so healthy and other times we are in synch and feeling great. The more I pay attention to my own Inner Goddess journey and beliefs, the happier my marriage is. So glad I found your website today through Visionary Female Authors page on FB.

  • Andrea says:

    You are SO right, my friend. I “swore off” and created a kick-ass single life. I figured out what I liked and filled it full of those people, places and things. And, when I was least expecting it, true love — in the form of a partner who supports me in staying out of those old patterns — found me. Surprise!!!!

    Thanks for an awesome post. You go, goddess!

  • Kellie says:

    This happened to me in my marriage . Though I didn’t want to leave him, I realized that I had to be my own happiness and get out there and live. I had created this life where I wanted everyone else to make me happy. Boy, that was an eye opener! Since I’ve realized my block, I’ve lived with pure joy and have created all kinds of amazing new circumstances and relationships! Thanks for sharing so candidly and with a playful humor.

  • teri goetz says:

    LOVE this post! My favorite quote: “There’s no one that’s going to save you except yourself.” I seem to be seeing that message a lot lately (note to self!) I remember a very similar experience after my divorce – really, all you have described. And, it wasn’t until I knew that I had everything I needed within myself that I could share all that I am with someone, that I met my soul mate. I love that you are spreading the word of loving and empowering yourself — we so often fill in the holes with other people…when in fact, partnering is about sharing. Many thanks for a very important post.

  • Linda Joy says:

    Mary, what a powerful reminder>>>. “You are whole as is, all you need to be and more.” Your writing always touches my soul… Thank you for having the courage to share what so many other women are most likely feeling inside too. It’s time for all women to embrace their truth….YOU GO GODDESS!

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