Doubting My Path

dawns readingLast week, I shared a powerful release ceremony with you that I used on New Year’s Eve to heal my heart. After releasing 2013, I spent New Year’s Day planning and prepping for 2014. (If you haven’t done that yet, I highly recommend Leonie Dawson’s Life and Biz planners! I use them every year!)

But I found myself stuck, unsure of what I want to create in 2014, unsure of my life’s path. After the turbulence that was 2013 and the end of my sabbatical, I find myself at a loss. Yes, I have goals. But when you’re working full time and none of your goals have to do with your current job, when are you supposed to find time to accomplish those goals?

Then it hit me. Something has to give.

I was fortunate enough to be asked to tea with a group of powerfully intuitive women on Saturday. One of them offered to read my cards using the Moon Oracle Deck. As the deck features not only the phases of the moon but several of the Goddesses featured on this site, I couldn’t pass that opportunity up.

The question I had in mind when drawing my cards was, “What should I do with my business in 2014?”

I had the reader do a Past – Present – Future reading for me, which helps illustrate how your past informs what is happening today, which will inform possible future courses of action.

I didn’t like what the cards had to tell me. They were dead on, mind you, but they only served to make me more confused than I was going in.

The first column of cards represents the past. In bold red and black hues, the past revealed that the masks I was wearing had come off (which makes sense given my Rude Awakening in April 2013), I had escaped my prison (hello divorce!), and I had spent a considerable amount of time resting and recharging (thanks to my broken heel).  All good so far.

The middle column represents my present. Bathed in earthly greens, I have accepted a responsibility to and for myself and am choosing to marry myself rather than my job or significant other. In doing so, I must pull from Athena’s wisdom and courage and practice self-love and self-care in all things. It’s not an easy lesson to accomplish, but one I have been actively working on for months.

The last column in reds and purples threw me for a loop. It warned against me getting too competitive in my business – which I strive not to be despite what marketing gurus tell you. If you read down the line of cards, the message is clear: if I get competitive, my palace (house, business, world) will turn upside down and people will try to manipulate me. When I drew another card for clarification, Ishtar, Goddess of Boundaries, came up, warning me to set my boundaries early and clearly to avoid my possible future.

Being a people-pleaser and “yes” woman, the idea of setting boundaries – as much as I know I need to – truly scares me. The first place I went was to one of giving up. As in, if I just give up my business and go back to being solely a professor, I can avoid all of this. Of course, my Inner Goddess loudly objected to that idea. Still, I’ve come so far and knowing that I am dealing with people that don’t have my best interests at heart is frightening.

So what am I doing? I’m journaling, contemplating, trying to figure out how to best achieve balance in my various businesses and between my work and personal life. You can bet that I will be calling on Athena and Ishtar quite often in the coming year and that I will be avoiding competition and those who advocate it like the plague! In the meantime, I am halfway through Leonie Dawson’s workbooks and I’m okay with that. I feel I need to sit with the goals I wrote down and reflect upon whether they are realistic or not and whether they have my best interest at heart.

I do so from a place of Love, knowing that my Inner Goddess has my back and will always steer me to the right decision. All I have to do is open my heart, trust, and say Yes to Her wisdom!


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