Dismantling the Wall Around My Heart

I've been dreaming of my father lately. Two nights in a row he's visited me in slumber. It's got me thinking about love. About life.  About lessons passed down from father to daughter, mother to son.

But are these lessons – these things that become our belief systems – that we allow to define us – even true?

In the Sacred Circle, we've been exploring our belief systems, our core values, our life lessons. We are re-examining the women we thought we were and releasing old belief patterns that no longer serve so that we can heal and become the women we are meant to be.

As part of our Full Moon/Earth Day celebration and ritual, we each made an altar defining a core belief – one we know is holding us back from becoming the women we want to be. 

The funny thing is that the altar I designed and the altar it turned into were two different things; two different belief systems. This brings me back to my father.

My father's father died when my father was 12. My father’s uncle, the man who took over as his father figure, died a few years later. While his sister married and his mother remarried, my father was left to fend for himself. He learned an important lesson from all of this turmoil – a core value that would define the rest of his days: people you love will always leave you, so protect your heart. Don't let anyone get too close so you won't get hurt.

He passed this core belief down to me. Not through his words, but through his actions. I too learned to protect my heart, so I built my heart wall high. My mantra: don't let anyone in so you don't get hurt. The problem is: it doesn't work.

If you prove trustworthy, then I let you in. But it turns out, it's not that simple.   

This brings me back to my Earth Day altar. When I built the altar, I knew that the rose quartz symbolized me. I put flower petals around it because I thought it was pretty and I thought it would help reinforce my core belief that I am enough just as I am. 

2016-04-23 08.12.26I put the altar in my front yard underneath the tree where I knew it would be protected from wind and rain. 24 hours later I realized how unprotected it actually had been. That's when I had my “aha moment” – about my heart wall, about my dad, about what that altar really represented.

Those pretty flowers I scattered around the rose quartz? That was my heart wall – one Mother Nature decided to scatter overnight. The petals I had so carefully and painstakingly placed, torn asunder. That was the second night I dreamed of my father. In my dream he was driving a car and I was in the passenger seat. We had just learned of his sister's death and he shut down, leaving me to take over driving the car from the passenger side. You see, that's what you do when you have a heart wall – you shut down so you don't feel the pain. But it doesn't work.

That's what Mother Nature was telling me. It's time to take down your heart wall.

It's time to become the woman you were always meant to be.

If you are ready to become the woman you were meant to be, ready to dismantle the old patterns and beliefs that have been holding you back, I invite you to join us in the Sacred Circle. It’s time to step into your power.

 

 

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