I was talking with a client with other day about how she was doing with her Inner Mean Girl. She observed that her Inner Mean Girl really hasn’t been showing up lately. Before I could even congratulate her on her progress, she explained that she has been experiencing more self-doubt though. That, I told her, is just her Inner Mean Girl in another form.
Although I call her the Inner Critic or Inner Mean Girl, she doesn’t necessarily have to be mean. In fact, meanness is usually not her motive, regardless of how she shows up. It’s fear. So if she’s been making you doubt yourself, not trust in your decisions, or is keeping you up at night with anxiety or depression, that’s still your Inner Mean Girl.
See if any of these sound familiar:
- Comparison Queen Carla – she takes keeping up with the Jones’ literally. She compares herself – her looks, her possessions, her personality, her finances, her success – to everyone else and when she feels she’s lacking she dives head first into self-improvement.
- Nit Picking Nancy – is the Queen of nit-picking – physical (popping zits, plucking her eye brows) or emotionally (constantly picking apart at herself and everyone else).
- Control Freak Cathy – As a Control Freak Cathy, you’ve got overachiever tattooed on your forehead. You’re driven, committed, and a hard worker, as evidenced by your meteoric rise in your industry. But you’re finding yourself a little frustrated because people seem to be taking advantage of your good nature. You never seem to have time to get everything done on your to-do list because things keep cropping up at work or at home to get in the way of your ideal life and success.
- As a Perfectionist Polly, you’ve got it all. You exude confidence, always look put together, and everything seems to come easily and effortlessly to you. Unfortunately, looks can be deceiving. While you may ‘have it all’ on the outside, on the inside, you’re wilting.
- You know a Negative Nelly when you hear her speak. Every word out of her mouth is a criticism – of herself or others. I look fat in these. I’m so stupid. Can you believe she’s wearing that? People are idiots! You’re going to regret that!
- Gossip Girl Gigi is looking to feel better about herself by spreading rumors – true or false. Did you hear what happened to Sue? I can’t believe Ed is sleeping with that tramp Valerie and his wife doesn’t even know!
- Blaming Betty blames herself for everything – whether she had anything to do with it or not. Betty is the ultimate inner mean girl in some ways because all of the blaming is directed inward. If you are constantly saying things to yourself like, “Why did you do that?” or “I can’t believe I did that?” or “What were you thinking?” you might be a Blaming Betty.
- Do-Gooder Daisy – The key word here is “DO.” Daisy doesn’t know the meaning of the word rest. She’s out to prove herself by doing everything she can. So if you’re a Do-gooder Daisy, she probably won’t let you rest or sit still. Why are you wasting time? Think of all the things you could be do-ing!
- Self-Doubting Susan – Susan riddled with self-doubt, which makes her very indecisive. When she does do something, the doubts immediately come in. She may ruminate for days over what might seem like a small decision to someone else.
- Over-reacting Ophelia – Poor Ophelia takes everything personally. Every time someone says something that might be constructed as a criticism, she takes to heart. Every time things don’t go her way, she feels like she failed. She doesn’t realize that her boss is just having a bad day and that Ophelia did nothing to upset her boss.
So what do you do if one (or more) of these rings true for you? This week’s podcast is all about facing the Inner Mean Girl when she’s criticizing you, but the same steps apply no matter what kind of Inner Mean Girl is showing up for you right now.
If you need more support, we’ve been working on dealing with our Inner Mean Girls in the Sacred Circle. Come join us!