I had an interesting conversation with my ex last night. He told me that when we ran into each other at the end of August, he wanted nothing more than to hold me again. But over the course of the past month, he realized he needed to let me to go because while I saw him, I didn’t really see him. He wanted me to know that he didn’t blame me for not seeing him because he wouldn’t let me. He just called to let me know that he had gotten over me and gave me permission to let him go.
So many emotions ran through my head before, during, and after that conversation. My enoughness issues got triggered again. My anger and frustration with him got triggered again. And I was reminded of all of the reasons why we worked at first, but why we didn’t last. We couldn’t. As he put it, it was like we were walking along a forest path together and then the path ended and we went our separate ways.
And so we did.
And so it is that I find myself today in a very reflective mood, once again a barrel of emotions. I know I’m in a process of transformation, transition, integration. I am becoming the woman I am meant to be. And life is happening for me in a big way right now. Last week, my cover issue of Aspire magazine came out. Tomorrow my third co-authored book, Cultivating Joy, comes out, featuring my story, “I’m Not Broken.” Later this week, I am beginning a year-long Priestess training process with my friend Lori Andrus.
It could be overwhelming – all of this change – but it’s not. At the end of the day, I know this to be true: everything happens for a reason; everything is working out just as it should.
But even when it seems dark out, I always know that there is a spark of light within me. To quote one of my favorite songs, “Last Hope” by Paramore:
And so when it gets a little chaotic, when my ex triggers me, when I forget for a moment about all of the amazing things that are happening for me and get caught up in the crap that doesn’t really matter, I know I can always turn back to that spark. That little piece of me that knows I’ve got this; that everything will be alright.
But how do you cultivate that little spark within you? How do you not get wrapped up in negative emotions when “life happens?”
I have five key practices that I come back to – and have used a lot over the past week – to help me stay centered and grounded.
- Write it down – journaling is a profound tool for me and something I use every day, especially when I have emotions I need to sort out. Writing (pen to paper) is a way of Earthing for me. It gives substance to my feelings and helps me feel centered and grounded. Sometimes I just put pen to paper and write. Sometimes I’ll ask myself specific questions to reflect upon. As we just had a New Moon in Libra, I find myself getting reflective about what I want to let go of and what I want to bring forth in this next moon cycle.
- Let it go – when I am really struggling with letting things go, I write down what I want to release and burn it. Fire is a powerful, transformative tool for change. I make use of its natural alchemy to fuel my desires.
- Soak away your worries – water is a very purifying element, as well as a ruler of our emotions. I’ve taken 2 baths in the last 24 hours. Not only does it feel supportive and relaxing to soak my worries away, but there’s something about the ritual of taking a bath that is very powerful for me. I like to fill the tub, add 2 cups of Epsom salts, 1 cup of baking soda, and whichever essential oils call to me that particular day. Lavender, Wild Orange, Balance, and Serenity have been calling me lately.
- Make your intentions – once I have realized what I need to let go of, it’s time to bring your focus to what you do want to attract to your life. Again, the New Moon is an excellent time to do this, as is any time between the New and Full Moon. But don’t let that hold you back if it’s not that time right now. Letting things go and making intentions can be powerful at any time; it just gets a little boost from the Moon if you time it correctly.
- Let it go (again) – One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned over the past few years is that you can’t control anything. All you can do is release what’s holding you back, set new intentions, and let the Universe do its thing. I know my company will continue to grow and profit. I know I will find my Soul’s Mate and life partner. I know that my bills will get paid on time and I will have all of my needs met. I may not always know the “how” or “when” behind that, but I have faith that it will happen. So sometimes I just have to get out of my own way and let it happen.
What do you do to remind yourself to focus on the spark of light when times get tough?