What if You’re Asking the Wrong Questions?

We're a week into my new group program, The Nourished Temple, and I have been faithfully participating along with all the other wonderful women who said yes to themselves. As part of this journey, I decided to do something a little extra: I decided I wanted to track how I was spending my time to see how much I was nourishing my temple. 

In typical Virgo fashion, for the past week, I've dutifully written down what I am doing each hour of the day. I wanted to get an idea of how much I was working, how much self-care I was giving myself, and what I was doing during that time.

At the end of the week I realized something: I was asking the wrong questions. What became abundantly clear to me this week was that work is different than Work. It's not about how much time I spend working or “doing” self-care; it's about how nourished I feel by whatever I'm doing. If you love what you do and that fills your cup, then by all means do it. But if you don’t enjoy how you’re spending your time, you might need to re-evaluate. That’s essentially what I was trying to discern with the time log (what I enjoyed and what I didn’t), but I was going about it the wrong way for what I really wanted to know.

While I think time tracking has its uses, especially if you're new to this how-to-balance-work-and-self-care thing, the bottom line is that by tracking my time, I was lowering my vibration. I got too caught up in the shoulds. It's 8am; I should be checking my email and starting my work day. It's 6pm; I should walk away from the laptop. How many hours should I be working this week? I should be able to make this two job thing work…

When I went to analyze my time log, my inner voice of wisdom whispered: you're asking the wrong questions. Instead of shoulding myself or carefully analyzing (and creating a pie chart!) how much time I spent checking email, grading papers, teaching, recording my podcast and YouTube video for the week, creating content for my group programs, or blogging, I need to focus on whether these things Nourish me. How much did you enjoy yourself today? Did you have any fun?

The other piece of this is the permission piece. In a culture that praises busyness as a badge of honor, it’s so easy to lose track of what we actually want. Instead of asking, “How did you spend your time this week?” I’d like to ask:

No, it’s not selfish to want to manifest your dream life, but you’ve got to get clear on what you want so that you can attract it to you. Furthermore, you have to give yourself permission to have it.

I’ve been re-reading a book called The Big Leap for a few months now (unfortunately I haven’t been creating a lot of time to read for pleasure lately). In the book, the author Gay Hendricks, talks about how we self-sabotage. How we’re so afraid of failure, of success, that we don’t allow ourselves to dream big. So we stay small. Whenever good things happen for us, we subconsciously self-sabotage so it doesn’t happen again or so that something negative happens to “balance” out the good. It’s like at some level, we’re afraid that it could be this good, so we make sure it never is.

I was talking with a client about this “big leap” phenomenon last week. She wanted to know how to overcome her “big leap” problem. It’s simple and yet not so simple at the same time: give yourself permission to have what you want. It’s easier said than done, huh? We ended up crafting what I call the “Prove It” plan for her. Its premise is this: Many of us don’t trust ourselves any more than we trust the Universe. We hold out hope that the right person is out there for us or that we can earn a lot of money doing what we love, but at some level, we don’t believe it will ever happen. So we keep one foot in the land of our dreams and one firmly planted in our current reality. We’re not moving from “reality” into “dream world” until we have proof that what we want is there and it will work. Enter the “Prove It” plan.

My client and I were working on her money blocks. She really wants to earn a living as a coach, but is finding it difficult to get and keep clients. Once we got to the bottom of those blocks and cleared them, we created her “Prove It” plan. Her current income from her coaching practice is about $2000 a month. She wants it be $10,000. Right now, she doesn’t really believe that will ever happen. $2000 a month seems like such a struggle. We set a goal for her to earn $2500 in November. We worked through what it will take to achieve that goal and got her set up to make it happen. Once she is consistently earning $2500 a month and feels comfortable(ish) with that, we’ll up her goal to $3000 a month. And so on; you get the idea. We are baby stepping her money goals up little by little, allowing a few months at each level for her to prove to herself that she can earn that amount of money and then stepping it up again.

You can use a similar strategy for any goal. Assess where you are now v. where you want to be. Write out all of the little steps it’s going to take for you to believe that goal is attainable. Start knocking them out one by one. Here’s the reality: most of us are holding ourselves back. We desperately want [insert what you want] but we are so afraid of getting there [all the “what ifs” come into play here] that we keep subconsciously self-sabatoging so we never really get there. Why? We don’t trust ourselves and we’re afraid to believe in and trust ourselves. Bottom line.

If that sounds like you, try my “Prove It” plan. If you want a little more help, I invite you to join my Sacred Circle – November 2016 is self-trust month. You’ll get all the support you need to make and achieve your own “Prove It” Plan! You can do this!

Much love!





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