In a fabulous session with my fellow Everyday Goddess, Lisa Marie Rosati, I made a promise to myself. When faced with a situation where I was asked to do something – no matter how small – if I didn’t get an immediate full body yes, I would stop and ask myself, “Do I really want to do this?” I gave myself permission to think on things I am asked to do (you can always say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you”) and I gave myself permission to say no.
Then I ran into a bit of a snag…
I realized last Monday evening that my problem isn't saying no when people ask me to do something for them, it's taking on their stuff without them even asking. Between 5 and 8:30 pm last night, I had unwittingly volunteered to drive 30 min out of my way every Monday to take one of my instructors to belly dance class, had smoke blown in my face because I didn't want to offend my other instructor who asked to speak to me after class on her smoke break, and served as therapist to 4 of my classmates.
By the time I went to bed that night, I had the start of what turned into a full-blown head cold by Tuesday morning. Yes, Universe, dully noted that I did not speak my truth or abide by the promise I made to myself to stop taking on everyone else's stuff.
I do this all the time – volunteer to help everyone else at expense to myself without even realizing I'm doing it until after it happens. Then I pay for it…
So how should I handle this? I asked this question of my friend and chiropractor, who is also an intuitive. “Put yourself on a pedestal,” she said. You need to value yourself above others right now.
This is big. Huge. Like most women, I was taught to always put myself last and everyone else first – part Superwoman, part people-pleaser, part I-don’t-know-what. So the very notion of putting myself not just on an equal plane with others, but on a pedestal is daunting.
But I also just made a promise to fully embrace self-care this holiday season so I can heal my adrenal fatigue.
I decided to do two things to remind myself that I am supposed to be my #1 right now, pedestal and all. First, I started drawing a heart on my palm again as it reminds me to take care of me. Second, I started Lisa Marie Rosati’s mirror exercise. It’s simple yet difficult. Twice a day, you say your affirmations to yourself while looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Half the time I want to avert my gaze, but I am staying with it. I know that after 21 days, this will become a habit and will be much easier. In case you decide to try this out yourself, here are the affirmations I am using:
I love, honor, respect and trust the woman I see in the mirror and I set boundaries in my life to respect and honor her.
I never break a promise to myself – not a big one and not a small one.
I trust my own intuitive insights and I trust myself to deal with each new development with love for myself.
I am congruent with my truth and proud of it!
My soul is stronger than any struggle that is thrown my way.
I am unstoppable and limitless.
I honor my Inner Goddess and divine feminine nature.
I put my mental and physical well-being at the top of the list.
I choose to make positive, healthy choices for myself.
I am in total control of my life, my thoughts, and my health.
All my relationships are harmonious and loving.
I am sacred. My body is sacred, my feelings are sacred, my mind is sacred, my spirit is sacred. I am sacred.
I then end my morning practice with the following question:
What do I need to do for me today?
And then I do it – if not right then, then I make sure to schedule time for it later that day.
What are you doing to take care of yourself this holiday season? How are you going to say No? I’d love to hear your tips and practices below.