There was a time in my life, actually for most of my life, that I would have vehemently disagreed with that statement. Happiness comes from being of service, from giving. Right? That’s certainly what I was taught as I child. Yet, as I got older I realized that while happiness can come from giving and being of service, there’s more to it than that. While I love giving to others and feeling like I’m being of service, what I’ve learned over the years is that if I give and give and give, never taking the time to replenish myself, I end up feeling bitter, resentful, and exhausted – far from being happy.
Everything changed for me the year I turned 40. I had just gotten divorced and was truly alone for the first time in my life. Having gotten married at a young age, I literally went from my father’s house to my husband’s house. As I grieved the loss of my 21-year marriage, I realized something profound: I had been miserable in the last years of that marriage because I didn’t love myself. I had grown bitter and resentful toward my ex-husband because I didn’t love myself. I had stayed in an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship for far too many years because I didn’t love myself.
It became clear that I needed to learn to love myself, but I had no idea how. I read books, listened to telesummits, and gleaned bits of wisdom here and there. But ultimately, learning to love myself was an experiment – trial and error – to figure out what worked for me.
There were many things I learned along my journey to self-love, and I want to share one of the most important lessons with you today. If you’re going to learn to love yourself, you have to stop the negative self-talk, stop the comparison game.
By picking apart at ourselves, in thought, word, and deed, we are not showing our bodies, minds, or spirits the love and respect they deserve. Yet, we do it anyway… This might be one of the toughest things I’ve asked you to do yet, but this step is critical to learning to love yourself again.
In today’s video, I’m giving you an exercise to do. This exercise occurs in three stages:
- Noticing – how often do you say, think, engage in any type of negative self-talk or negative self-comparison?
- Reducing – when you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself, envision a stop sign or cancel button. Refocus your energy on something else, distract yourself, or tell yourself, “No, that’s not true.” Or, “I promised myself not to say those things to myself anymore.”
- Replacing – actively replace all negative thoughts, words, and behaviors with positive ones. I’ve got more in today’s video about how to do that.
Yes, you can learn to love yourself again. The first step is to stop criticizing yourself all the time so you can begin to believe you are worthy of your own love. If you are ready to transform your relationship with yourself even further, join us for the self-love revolution.