enoughness Archives - Dr. Mary Pritchard

I Am So Much More Than Enough

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Buntes Supernova HerzI'm getting tired of the word “enough.” I'm pretty enough. I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. It's not that those things aren’t true, it's that the word “enough” still feels at the surface like something is lacking; like you have the bare minimum you need to get by. Just enough.

In fact, when you look up definitions and synonyms of the word “enough,” you get the word “adequate.” I guess that's the real problem: I'm tired of feeling adequate. I want to be more than adequate.

“Tired of trying to cram her sparkly star-shaped self into society’s beige square holes, she chose to embrace her ridiculous awesomeness and shine like the freaking supernova she is.”- Unknown

Yes, that’s it exactly. I lived most of my life feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Then several years ago I was journaling and I wrote the statement “I am enough” in my journal. Immediately the little voice inside my head (my inner critic) said, “No you aren’t. You’re broken and need fixing.” That day changed my life because I decided to confront my inner critic and figure out why she believed what she believed.

Although it may sound simple, it wasn’t. That day I embarked on a journey. I spent the next few years healing my “enoughness” issues, trying to convince myself that I was, in fact, enough. After all, at that point in my life, any day I felt like I was “enough” was a success. And maybe that’s where you are right now. If so, that’s awesome. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that. After all, you have to feel like you are good enough before you can feel like a freaking supernova!

But what I’ve come to realize on my 2-month long retreat this summer is that

Granted this statement is the very statement that started the ball rolling for me, the statement that made me the woman I am today. That simple little statement, “I am enough,” made me confront my inner meal girl and challenge my long-held beliefs. For that, I am forever grateful. But, I feel like I’m now evolving into a new version of me.

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine a few weeks ago about labels and roles. We work so hard to get to a certain place in our lives, and sometimes once we arrive, it can feel stifling. For example, I’ve spent the past 20 years of my life conducting research on and teaching about body image and eating disorders. I am a Body Love expert. It’s what I do and I’m good at it. However, that doesn’t mean that is all I do. I also teach about self-love, self-trust, and self-care. I teach women how to become their own best friend instead of their own worst enemy. How to forgive themselves and others for past mis-takes. How to be Goddesses and Queens of their own lives. How to tune into the Wheel of the Year, the moon’s phases, and their body’s and the Earth’s cycles and rhythms. Am I a Body Love expert? Can I help you heal your Body Shame? Absolutely. But to say that I am a Body Love expert sometimes feels like saying “I am enough” because I am so much more than a Body Love expert. I am so much more than enough.

I fully admit that I am not 100% sure what is unfolding for me. At the beginning of the summer, I had a long talk with a Spiritual mentor and friend. I told her about my frustrations, that I felt like my “enoughness,” my current roles and labels were somehow limiting me. She told me, “I want you to put an empty cup on your altar, to represent that you are open to receiving what is next for you.” And so I did. Two months later, it still sits empty on my bedroom altar. I am beginning to get an inkling of what this unfolding will look like, but I also know that it’s not quite ready to birth itself yet.

So I’m waiting. I’m journaling, processing, allowing whatever wants to unfold to do so in its own time. This hasn’t been an easy process, mind you – I am still a recovering Type A control freak, so all of this uncertainty has been unsettling to say the least! But this has been a lesson in patience as much as it has been a lesson in breaking free of my own limiting beliefs.

What I do know is this: whatever is coming is going to be big. Life changing. It’s going to break me out of my rut. That’s both exciting and scary at the same time. But that’s okay. I’m allowing myself this summer retreat time to introspect, to incubate, to unbecome what no longer serves so I can become who I am meant to be. After all, I’ve got a ridiculously awesome shiny freaking supernova inside of me. And so do you.

This no so little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…

It All Comes Down to Self-Love

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Love and pregnancy concept.I was a guest on The Sisters Internet TV show this past Saturday.  We were all invited to talk about our own journeys with body image and weight struggles. From a man who lost over 170 pounds in the past year to a former bikini model to a mom of four, we all shared one thing in common:

 
I was invited to speak not only about my own body image struggles but about how I help men and women learn to love their bodies just as they are right now. The more I talked, the more everyone chimed in and it struck me as fascinating how we were basically all saying the same thing. It all comes down to self-love.
 

If we loved our bodies, we would take better care of ourselves. If we loved our bodies we wouldn't be so mean to ourselves. If we loved ourselves, we would love our bodies.

 
Aaron, the man who lost 170 pounds in the past year following a gastric bypass surgery had an interesting question: when you don't even see yourself accurately, how do you start? How do you take that first step to really learn to love and accept yourself as you are now no matter what your weight, shape or size?
 
Once again we all had a similar answer: The first step is awareness – really noting how you treat yourself during the day. How often do you have negative thoughts? How often do you pick apart at yourself? How often you compare yourself to somebody else and come up lacking?
 
The next step is to really start to counter that negative programming. Whether it's waking up to see your vision board placed across from your bed, setting alarms on your phone to remind you to stay positive and love yourself, or to surround yourself with positive sayings in your office and at home, we all agreed it's important to stay positive. You must focus on what you do you love about yourself and your life rather than what you don't. This is a necessary part of rewiring your brain. 
 
Finally, the first step to begin to heal your relationship with yourself and your body must come from within. There is no magic pill or potion; no one can do this healing work for you. Much like Glinda the good witch said to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, “You had the power within you all along.” It's your job to do the work to heal, to change, to learn to love yourself again.
 
If you need help pointing you in the right direction, it is Self-Love month here in Dr. Mary land! To celebrate, I've got my Learn to Love Yourself Again ecourse on sale for those of you who learn best at your own pace. If you're looking for more interactive support, you could always join my sacred circle group coaching program, still at the introductory low price for the month of May.
 
Here's to you fully learning to love and accept yourself and your body again.
 
 

Dismantling the Wall Around My Heart

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I've been dreaming of my father lately. Two nights in a row he's visited me in slumber. It's got me thinking about love. About life.  About lessons passed down from father to daughter, mother to son.

But are these lessons – these things that become our belief systems – that we allow to define us – even true?

In the Sacred Circle, we've been exploring our belief systems, our core values, our life lessons. We are re-examining the women we thought we were and releasing old belief patterns that no longer serve so that we can heal and become the women we are meant to be.

As part of our Full Moon/Earth Day celebration and ritual, we each made an altar defining a core belief – one we know is holding us back from becoming the women we want to be. 

The funny thing is that the altar I designed and the altar it turned into were two different things; two different belief systems. This brings me back to my father.

My father's father died when my father was 12. My father’s uncle, the man who took over as his father figure, died a few years later. While his sister married and his mother remarried, my father was left to fend for himself. He learned an important lesson from all of this turmoil – a core value that would define the rest of his days: people you love will always leave you, so protect your heart. Don't let anyone get too close so you won't get hurt.

He passed this core belief down to me. Not through his words, but through his actions. I too learned to protect my heart, so I built my heart wall high. My mantra: don't let anyone in so you don't get hurt. The problem is: it doesn't work.

If you prove trustworthy, then I let you in. But it turns out, it's not that simple.   

This brings me back to my Earth Day altar. When I built the altar, I knew that the rose quartz symbolized me. I put flower petals around it because I thought it was pretty and I thought it would help reinforce my core belief that I am enough just as I am. 

2016-04-23 08.12.26I put the altar in my front yard underneath the tree where I knew it would be protected from wind and rain. 24 hours later I realized how unprotected it actually had been. That's when I had my “aha moment” – about my heart wall, about my dad, about what that altar really represented.

Those pretty flowers I scattered around the rose quartz? That was my heart wall – one Mother Nature decided to scatter overnight. The petals I had so carefully and painstakingly placed, torn asunder. That was the second night I dreamed of my father. In my dream he was driving a car and I was in the passenger seat. We had just learned of his sister's death and he shut down, leaving me to take over driving the car from the passenger side. You see, that's what you do when you have a heart wall – you shut down so you don't feel the pain. But it doesn't work.

That's what Mother Nature was telling me. It's time to take down your heart wall.

It's time to become the woman you were always meant to be.

If you are ready to become the woman you were meant to be, ready to dismantle the old patterns and beliefs that have been holding you back, I invite you to join us in the Sacred Circle. It’s time to step into your power.

 

 

What is Superwoman Syndrome?

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I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend and she was lamenting about how she needed a break. In the past 5 years, she managed to work a full time job, get a graduate degree and have two kids. All on 4 hours of sleep a night, if she was lucky. And yet, this woman, who has accomplished multiple feats over the past few years, was hoping her husband didn’t notice that she hadn’t picked up the house today.

I was pretty sure I saw her Superwoman cape peeking out from under her shirt…

Everywhere you look women are struggling to juggle their roles as the perfect wife, mother, hostess, friend, volunteer, Martha Stewart home decorator, chef, chauffeur, business owner and more – leaving them feeling empty, disconnected and disillusioned. For many, the Superwoman cape has become a second skin and a part of the illusion of who we believe we MUST be in order to be love, appreciated and valued.  I’ve discovered that many of you yearn to remove the cape and release the illusion of doing it all but aren’t sure where to start.

I get it. I’ve been there. If you’ve been part of my tribe for a while, you know my story. 20 year battle with endometriosis and osteopenia. 24 year battle with an eating disorder. Entered natural menopause at 26 only to come back out at age 35. Four failed fertility treatments. Broke my heel twice in one year. Nearly died of pneumonia. I’ve been hit with more Cosmic 2x4s than I care to count. Until one day when I decided enough was enough.

It took me about a year, but I did it: I recovered from Superwoman Syndrome and I’m here to support you in doing the same. So what is Superwoman Syndrome?

Do Any of These Sound Familiar?

If you answered yes to any of those, You, my friend, have Superwoman Syndrome!

But fear not! You can hang up your cape! The symptoms you are experiencing are a message from your Inner Goddess, or Intuition, letting you know that you have forgotten the truth of who you are.  Your symptoms act as messengers on your journey with the intent to redirect you in choosing a different path. A path filled with self-love, self-acceptance, joy and inner peace – a sacred place of BE-ing where your inner light, life essence can shine brightly.

But where do you start? Are you ready to hang up your Superwoman Cape? Are you ready to leave your fear, feelings of unworthiness and “not enoughness” behind? If so, I invite you to join us for our free call series this month so you can fully and finally heal your Superwoman Syndrome, release your “not enoughness” issues and Activate the Goddess I know you are! Go here to sign up: http://www.drmarypritchard.com/activate/

 

You Are So Much More Than Enough

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My best friend gave me this bracelet for Christmas because she knows of my past struggles. She knows that sometimes we all need a reminder. You are so much more than enough….

 

The holidays are a difficult time of year for many of us, and this Christmas marked the first time in 6 years that I didn’t cry. Christmas was my father’s favorite holiday and, since his passing 6.5 years ago, it has served as a reminder of him. But this year was different. This year I made a decision to celebrate the holiday season like I used to do when I was a child. I went to see the Christmas trees at Festival of Trees. I drug my boyfriend out in single digit weather to see the botanical gardens lit up with Christmas lights. I gave myself permission not to decorate my house or cook a ‘real’ Christmas dinner. Instead, I made bison burgers, wilted kale salad and sweet potato oven-baked fries with my best friend. And never once did I think, “I should be doing more to celebrate the holidays.”

But often, the holidays seem to remind us of how “not enough” we are. How we should be “do-ing” the holiday season, with all its fanfare and parties, better somehow. We should make more cookies, have a bigger or better decorated tree, out-do the neighbors with our lawn décor, buy our kids better presents or more of them …

A few years ago I had a client who could not seem to get over the “not enoughness” issues that the holidays seem to trigger in her. She pushed herself so hard that she ended up in the hospital and wasn’t even able to enjoy all of the Christmas food she painstakingly prepared, the house she decorated to be worthy of landing on the pages of Martha Stewart’s magazine. She just knew everyone would have a horrible time if she didn’t do everything they were used to. I knew her kids and her grandkids. The reality was this: they didn’t care about the Christmas decorations or the extra pies. Yes, the enjoyed them, but what they really valued was having the whole family together at Christmas. June could have easily saved herself a trip to the hospital that year, but her Inner Mean Girl wasn’t having anything less than a “perfect” Christmas.

In the Facebook group, we’ve been discussing what we are leaving in 2015 and what we will create in 2016. Many of us talked about leaving our fears behind, our feelings of unworthiness, and most of all, our “not enoughness” in 2015.

How about you?

If so, I invite you to join us for our free call series this month so you can fully and finally release your “not enoughness” issues and Activate the Goddess I know you are! Go here to sign up.

 

What to Do When Your Inner Mean Girl Tells You You’re Not Good Enough

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Cover_OctNov15-01The first time I was on the cover of a magazine two years ago, I didn’t want to tell anyone. Despite the fact that many of my students not only saw, but picked up a copy of, the magazine, I was afraid to shine my light. Afraid people would notice. Afraid of the criticism.

I did receive some criticism and a lot of teasing – and offers for dates. But the hardest part of the whole experience was that instead of being happy about being on the cover of a magazine, I was worried. Worried that I wasn’t good enough to actually be on that magazine cover – I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t skinny enough, I wasn’t famous enough, I wasn’t really that girl in the picture (after two hours of hair and makeup and photostop, I looked more like Sarah Jessica Parker than I did myself). In other words, my Inner Mean Girl had a field day and I found myself getting increasingly depressed.

Fast forward two years. I was just on the cover of another magazine. What did I do? I shared it everywhere. My picture has been shared so many times on Facebook that I’ve lost count. The magazine publisher sent me a framed copy of the magazine cover and I displayed it proudly on my coffee table. I gave a framed copy to my mother (who had mixed feelings about the first magazine cover). Did my Inner Mean Girl whisper in my ear this time? Nope. Not a word.

I work with clients every day on dealing with their inner critics. We are often our own worst enemies rather than our own best friends and cheerleaders. I used to fall into that category, but, in general, I don’t anymore.

How did I do it? Simple. I had a heart-to-heart (several actually) with my Inner Mean Girl. I let her vent, rant, accuse. I just took it all in and listened. Occasionally I’d ask her why she felt a certain way or thought a certain way.

Then I started calmly pushing back. Reminding her, subtly, of all the times that her reasoning failed. Of all the times things worked out, of all the times I was good enough. As her reasons and excuses started to fall away, the ‘not enoughness’ weight began to lift off my shoulders.

Do I still get triggered? Of course. But it‘s so much easier for me to get back on track now. If you still struggle with your inner critic, I’d love to set up a time to talk. Let’s see if I can help coach you through your own inner mean girl work. I healed my relationship with my inner mean girl; I accepted and integrated that broken off part of myself – that inner child that only wanted to be heard. You can too.