When I began my healing journey in Fall 2013, I struggled with balancing my feminine, which I had been suppressing for nearly 40 years, with my masculine. As a successful academic at the pinnacle of her career and the sole breadwinner in my former marriage, I literally and figuratively wore the pants in the family. And it exhausted me.
So in 2014, I decided I would try to be more in my feminine by wearing more dresses and skirts. That worked great until I went back to work this Fall. Put me back in academia – in a dress – and I still find myself falling back into my masculine. Taking charge, forming committees, getting stuff done. One week back full time in the masculine world of academia, and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open on a date with my man Friday night.
Then it hit me. Be-ing in my feminine is so much more than wearing flowing skirts and dresses. They are merely symbols of femininity, not the real thing.
Stacey Martino puts it like this:
“Femininity is an energy of openness! It has nothing to do with your hair, your makeup or how you dress. It’s not the “idea” you have in your HEAD. And it’s NOT weakness. Feminine energy is your best and most authentic self stepping forward with courage and vulnerability to BE who you truly are….no matter what the “risk”!”
But put me in an academic world and I close down. I focus. I become goal-driven. There’s nothing “open” about it. It’s an “eat or be eaten” cut-throat type of energy. Although I am certainly capable of do-ing what needs to get done, I’m not sure that’s who I want to Be anymore. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not because while all that do-ing made me successful in academia, it made me miserable in my personal life.
So I find myself in a bit of a quandary. I don’t know how to “do” academia in a feminine way. And while you might think I should just be in my masculine at work and in my feminine at home, it’s hard to turn off do-ing when I get home. So I end up trying to be feminine and open when I get home, while battling my leftover need to “do” from work. It’s like I don’t have an “off” button. Trust me; it’s not a fun place to be – for either me or my man. (Although I am getting a lot of cooking and housework done!)
How can you “be” when the world is telling you to “do”? I have a few ideas I plan to put into place this week. I’ll let you know how it goes!
- Spend some time outside in nature every day – no pulling weeds, just sit and be.
- Check in periodically throughout the day and ask, “How open do I feel right now?” Alternatively, you could ask, “How closed/tense/tight do I feel right now?”
- Get up at least once an hour to walk around – no sitting at the desk all day.
- Spend at least 5 min a day meditating – the more, the better.
- Pull a card from your favorite deck – I like my Angel Cards and my Goddess Guidance oracle cards – and see what message your Guides have for you today.
Let me know how you stay in your feminine and just be. I’d love to hear your ideas!