What Do You Want Out of a Relationship?

Woman Holding Valentine's Day Gift BagThat was the question my therapist asked me this morning. I paused.

“I can tell you what I don’t want,” I said.

But I know better than that. I know that what you focus your attention on is what you bring to your life. I learned that lesson very well when I attracted the cartoonish, creepy doppelganger of a man I had my heart sat on. (They even had the same name!) So in the Universe’s own twisted way, it gave me exactly what I asked for only to make me realize I didn’t want it in the first place.

I thought some more.

“I want a partner, an equal. I want a man who will respect, honor, and love me for me – just as I am. I want someone I can travel with and have fun with. I want someone I’m attracted to and who’s attracted to me on many levels: emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.”

“And did you have that in your marriage?” she asked. “How much did you feel you could be yourself?”

“No. Not in the least. I got tired of trying to pretend to be someone I wasn’t.”

“And so maybe getting a divorce wasn’t about leaving your husband, but about finding you,” she said.
Yes! 2013 was all about finding me. 2014 is about embracing what I found and figuring out what I want out of life now that I can finally be who I want to be. And I have realized several things along the way:


  • I actually like me. I’m a pretty cool person – one that shouldn’t try to be someone else just to please a friend/family member/significant other.
  • I know the Universe has my back and will give me just what I need at just the right time. All I have to do is trust and let go.
  • No one is going to save me or fix me because I’m not broken and I sure as heck don’t need saving!
  • My life is a lot better when I try being my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy.
  • Yes, I have accomplished a lot in my life, but those “things” I have done are just that – things. They aren’t who I am.
  • Ditto for the many mistakes I’ve made. I am not my mistakes, either. I have learned to forgive myself and move on.
  • If I stop trying to escape from my life and actually listen to my inner goddess and heed her guidance, I actually like my life. So there’s nothing to escape from.
  • I have been blessed with some pretty cool friends. I am one of them.
  • I feel fortunate every day for what I have and what I don’t because apparently whatever it is that I think I need, I don’t. And if I do, it will come to me when it’s supposed to.
  • I love being in nature – especially my back yard. It brings me peace.
  • I have all the love I need in my life right now – even though I have no romantic partner. I am love in its very essence and I am surrounded by love and beauty in all things at all time. I only have to open my eyes to see it.
  • I don’t need a man to complete me – I’m whole by myself. Any romantic partner I might attract would just be an added bonus, not a necessity. You see, I don’t need a Prince Charming – I am one!

Here’s to discovering, embracing, and be-ing YOU this year!

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