What Does It Mean to Be Queen of Your Own Life?

queenI had a conversation with one of the women in 30 Days to BodyLove the other day and she remarked that she would love to be able love herself with  an unwavering confidence and belief in herself. I told her that you can love yourself like that. You just need to take over as Queen of your own life because You get to decide your own worth!

Her reply was, “When does the course start?”

That's when I realized something: so many of us struggle to be Queen of our own lives. It's not something we've ever been taught how to do. We know how to give and care for others, that got covered somewhere in our curriculum of life. But no one ever taught us how to be ourselves – or that it was okay to be ourselves – and do our own thing without having to seek approval from others.

So, yes, I do need to offer a course in How to Be Queen of Your Own Life – and it's coming. But, I think for now we need to define what that actually means.

I spent part of my Saturday on a mini-retreat. I went up in the mountains and ran in the snow. My goal: to leave that part of myself behind that still operated on ‘Princess' mode – the part that was still waiting for someone to save her from herself and fix all of her problems. You see, to be a Queen, a sovereign of your own life, you have to take responsibility for all parts of your life. So I went up as high as I could go, nearly froze my butt off and spoke my words of release; I felt so much freer for having done so.

When I got down off that mountain, I got out my journal and I started pondering what being a Queen meant to me. It's a work in progress, but this is what I came up with. Feel free to use this as a base for your own list or scratch it and start one of your own.

Goddess Dr. Mary's Queen's Code:


A Queen listens to understand, not to be right. She also allows the other party time to speak their mind, without interrupting.


A Queen never castrates a man, or another woman. She never tries to deprive someone of strength, power, or efficiency; she never seeks to weaken someone else for her own gain.


A Queen feels safe and secure in herself, and knows that she can look after herself; on all aspects of her being – financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually.



A Queen apologize for her mistakes sincerely and then leaves it alone.


A Queen allows her King to ‘win' her favor. She asks him to help her and provide for her, thanks him, and shows her appreciation. She allows herself to be helped and provided for. 


A Queen realizes she doesn't have to do it all alone; that she has strengths and weaknesses and devotes her time and energy to those things that matter most to her, allowing others to help her with things she'd rather not spend time and energy on. She appreciates the strengths and gifts of others as she does her own.


A Queen keeps all of her energy tanks full, especially her sexual energy tank, at all times so that she can be of service to others. A Queen allows her King to help her keep her tanks running on all cylinders. 


A Queen is comfortable be-ing her true self with those she resonates with.


A Queen never competes, she collaborates.


A Queen knows what's best for her and sets boundaries accordingly, especially when it comes to intimacy.


A Queen is in partnership with her King and knows how to effectively ‘make deals' so both parties get their needs met with the least amount of loss on both sides


A Queen accepts accountability consciously as to not wear herself out. 


A Queen allows her King to be her Hero.


A Queen trusts her intuition.


A Queen celebrates her accomplishments so she can keep moving forward.


A Queen does what brings her joy.


A Queen surrounds herself with those who truly see her


A Queen surrenders to existence, to every single experience being shown to her in her reality.


A Queen accept herself exactly as she is right now.


A Queen relishes in her body, and taps into her body's wisdom. She lets her body speak to her.


A Queen recognizes the need for both Masculine and Feminine, not putting one above the other.


I claim the freedom from having to do everything myself. I need help and I am able to ask for it. I claim the ability to be supported, to receive. I claim the Queen’s Code.


If you're ready to be a Queen, I have started a monthly challenge on FaceBook. This month we are working on learning to receive. Join us!

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