What to Do When Your Comparison Queen is a Self-Comparison Queen

We’ve been talking about our Inner Mean Girls for weeks and today’s reader question stems from our discussion of how our Inner Mean Girl shows up. One of the most common ways my clients (this includes me) see the Inner Mean Girl show up is in reference to playing the comparison game. I call her Comparison Queen Carla.

Comparison Queen Carla takes keeping up with the Jones’ literally. She compares herself – her looks, her possessions, her personality – to everyone else and when she feels she’s lacking, she dives head first into the next diet plan, buys the new car, decides to read 50 Shades of Grey and see the movie because everyone else is, etc.

Five years ago, this description fit me to a T. I was a Comparison Queen Carla. I was compared myself to any woman who crossed my path – in real life and in the media. I was constantly measuring myself with my invisible yardstick up against other women. And I usually came up lacking.

Why? Because I didn’t love myself. I lacked confidence in myself – I felt I wasn’t good enough as I was so I constantly strove to be better than everyone else. It wasn’t until I gained that self-love and self-confidence that I was able to get a handle on my Comparison Queen.

Or was I…?

Heather posed an interesting question: What if the person you are always comparing yourself to is yourself?

As a former distance runner (that's me running up a sand dune), I get this too. As an athlete, I was always trying to go further, faster, better. That was helpful, up to a point. Yes, I ran farther, faster. However, I also injured myself more often and ended up having to end my distance running after my second heel fracture. My inner motivator was really my inner critic in disguise…

So how do you tell? In today’s video, I walk you through the ins and outs of using the inner voice as a tool to motivate you to new heights v. a tool to self-deprecate, punish yourself, and make you feel bad about yourself.

It basically boils down to this: how does it make you feel? If you feel excited and expansive, then go for it. But if you feel icky, bad about yourself, restricted or contracted, then your Inner Mean Girl is running the show again…

Want to learn more about how to differentiate between the Inner Mean Girl and the Inner Motivator? I invite you to join me for my free call series. You can sign up here: http://DrMaryPritchard.com/body

4 Comments

  • Reba Linker says:

    Thanks for helping us walk that delicate balance between inspiration and self-criticism. I love your work, Mary! xo, Reba

  • Tae Lynne says:

    I do this often. I compare my current self to my former self (pre-chronic illness sufferer: in great shape, healthy & vibrant). I’ve learned to accept the new me & appreciate that I’m doing the best I can in my present circumstances. As a former runner (sprints, not distance), I now enjoy a slow leisurely walk! As a former perfectionist neat freak, I’m not okay with things being messy. 🙂

    • Dr Mary Pritchard says:

      I feel your pain. My inner perfectionist sometimes still takes the lead. My question for you: when does your perfectionism serve you and when does it hold you back? Can you cut yourself some slack when she gets out of control or rein her in a little when she’s not being helpful?

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